I have not blogged for a while but I wanted to put up something to keep a fairly decent level of consistent posting. I think my main reason for an absence of content is simply that this blog is designed to follow my time over the next few years and even though I am very close to starting in Chorleywood I am still currently stuck in a state of limbo between ending my current career and starting my response to calling.
It is strange. Over the last couple of weeks I have stopped considering my work with the church as a job. I have started to use phrases like "response to calling" (above) and "vocation" instead of "job" or "career". I don't know whether this is a subconscious way of mentally preparing myself for the road ahead. Maybe it is a defence mechanism, I am in no way definitely going to be a Vicar. I am still in the selection process and despite the DDO thinking I am a good candidate I still need to be validated by the Bishop and the Selection Panel. It could finish even before it has started. This scares me.
I have set my mind to following my calling. Or, more likely, what I believe my calling to be. I have had it reconfirmed by other Christians and I have had a lot of positive support on the journey so far. However, what am I going to do if I have made a mistake and I am not supposed to be a Vicar? Will my faith stand up to that? Will my mind be able to take a mental battering after believing that this is my ultimate path for such a long time (I had my initial call at 12, so for over half of my life I have thought this was my place) I would be lying if I did not say I was concerned. What if the Bishop or the Selection Panel don't believe my calling is for ordained ministry? I would have to start the whole process again on a different route or come back years later and try again.
In the mean time I would be stuck in a strange limbo of doing a normal job (maybe my old business, maybe something else) and waiting for God to speak and then, when he did, questioning my own ability to interpret his words having got it so wrong before. All I can do at this time is pray. Remind myself that my life is in the hands of someone infinitely more experienced and wise than I could ever be. Someone who knows and sees all and loves me without condition and wants only what is best for me. That is a comfort but I am human and it is not always easy to smooth away those very human fears.
So, please spare a prayer for me as I load the green boxes of books, CDs and DVDs into my car tomorrow and travel to my new little house for the coming year. Please pray that God guides me and that I have time to listen and to respond to his will. Please pray for me energy levels and enthusiasm when dealing with the young people of the church, that they may come to know God in a way that is best suited to them.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Sunday, 8 August 2010
The Calling
I had a sudden thought this evening. Julian, a friend of mine from the magic industry sent me a message and asked me why I was having a sudden and radical change in career - I also attended Christ Church this evening where the book of Jeremiah is being studied and reference was made to Jeremiah 29 V11 which reads "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and so it seemed quite apt that I actually posted a blog explaining my original calling and where I am currently in my spiritual journey.
It has been a very rocky road and not one that I would have chosen to tread had I the choice (however, that aside I am very pleased for the way my life has panned out so far and I have learned so much on the way that I doubt I would change it given my time over).
I had my initial calling to be in the church at the age of 12. I was playing a game in the playground at school and I suddenly stopped running as I was being chased. I froze on the spot. What happened I cannot really describe in great detail because I simply do not know. My next memory is of the hand of my friend John meeting my shoulder blades with a great smack as he shouted "TAG" before running off. It was a surreal moment and the feelings that had washed over me had revealed in quite plain thought that I was going to be a Vicar. Not a typical career choice for a 12 year old boy - most would probably opt for fireman, train driver or astronaut.
Everything seemed set, I was involved in the church as an alter server, Rev Andy got me started on leading parts of the service and I was getting a first hand insight into the work of a Vicar. As the years passed I got to the stage in my education where I was picking GCSEs and I made sure that Religious Studies was my chosen humanity subject. But it was here that my first deviation from the path began. Until this point I had never really questioned anything, I had become a Christian at about the age of nine, attended church and my local Christian youth group and generally been immersed in the Christian culture. I had never been given the challenge of looking at it objectively and working out how others may perceive it. During my lessons in RS I began to find questions which (at the time) had no answers and I found myself becoming frustrated and angry by the religion that had shaped my early childhood.
Church felt different too. I no longer felt that I was connected to the words that I was saying. Having learned them over the weeks and months for my role as Alter Server I had reached a point where I could reciet them without looking at the sheet and thus my brain could wander. Midway through one communion service I caught myself planning the rest of the week, what I was doing for school and work and such and not actually thinking about God or the words that I was speaking. It was at this point I first thought that maybe the Church of England could not accommodate me at that stage in my spiritual development. I tried different denominations, I wanted to see how they differed and if I felt a better sense of belonging in any of them. I drew a blank. I felt the same emptiness in each place and amongst each group of Christians. Then the situation became apparent. My faith was gone. It was not the denominations that left me cold it was the thought of God.
Atheism did not suit me. Perhaps there is something within me that requires I explore my spirituality but I needed to find some meaning in the universe. By this point I was about 17 and was choosing options for A-Level. I stuck with Religious Studies hoping that the philosophy and ethics section of the course would sufficiently challenge me and give me some meaning. It was then that I discovered the Buddhist belief system. Immediately I liked it, there was no God but there was a purpose to life. They were good people, honest and hard working and seemed to have achieved a state of relative peace in a world of chaos. I liked the solitude and the meditation and I was happy to discover more about myself as part of that religion for about a year.
I attended Spring Harvest that year, not because I felt that I should give Christianity one more go but simply because I had already paid for it before my loss of faith and also, all my friends went and it was a good excuse to see them and socialise. During one of the evening meetings I prayed. I don't really know what I expected to happen - to my mind I was dead to Jesus, I had walked away, joined another religion and actively discouraged people from believing based on my own narrow experiences. (It is not easy to write this and look back at the way I was - I am surprised the friends I met then have put up with me this long to be honest!) I remember the words I used very clearly. "Lord, if you are there then I need to know. I cannot pretend to be something I am not. This is it, I need proof or I have to walk away" and so it was done. I had set a challenge before God. Asked him to reveal himself in a way I could not deny or my days as a Christian were firmly behind me.
One of our group had been over-whelmed by the meeting and the calling of the Holy Spirit. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her fall and I attempted to move to catch her. It was fortunate that there were people within the crowd that were briefed to catch fallers as I suddenly realised my legs were unable to move. To those who may come across this blog and have no faith, it may seem like an alien concept, one bore out of desire or simply being part of the crowd and getting caught up in the emotion of the situation. But I would reply that at this point in my life I was not a Christian, I had been but I had fallen out of faith big time. I didn't even want to be a Christian if I am totally honest. God stepped in, answered my prayer and literally stopped me from walking away. A physical representation of the words I had spoken. To me, it was undeniable proof. One of the evening meeting leaders came and prayed, his words washed over me in a language I, he and my friends around me did not understand. The two words I heard in the garbled message was God and Amen. As the latter was spoken my legs were freed and once more I was walking and walking in Christian faith. I re-dedicated myself to Jesus that evening.
At home my life did not simply slip back into the habits of old. I was still very wary of the church. This had been the place where my faith was diminished and I was protective over my new found faith. I did not want it to be tainted by church politics and dogma. From that time onward I attended rarely. I got my church input from debates and discussions with fellow Christians, other religions and their practitioners and non-believers. I met with my friends, I had a very laid back approach to Church. I constantly and confidentially stated that I had Faith and not Religion. But it is impossible to separate the two for long and I found myself, with a stronger renewed faith, ready to face the challenges of church congregations again. I returned on a semi-regular basis.
Then my recalling to be a vicar returned a year or so ago. A strange evening where I had been discussing my journey with a friend, someone who struggled with his own faith - not because of questions that could not be answered like I found but because of his sexuality. He had questioned how he fitted into the church, just like I had, but for very different reasons. The day followed left me with nostalgia and the thought that being a vicar is something I should once again peruse. I did not do anything immediately, I simply believed that talking about it had evoked memories and it was obvious I was going to feel that way.
Days passed into weeks and still I had not acted. In the quiet moments of my day, the brief period before I passed into sleep, the groggy moment in the morning as my eyes adjusted to the day, the times in my car I sat without music playing, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. A little cough to get my attention and nudge me in the right direction. I prayed A LOT. I had already started down this road once before and it had not ended well. I reached a point that I needed to get reaffirmation from others. I needed to know if God was telling them the same thing. The response was unanimous. Others had been told I was supposed to be going down this route and everything seemed to fall into place. I remember telling my old youth leader that I was thinking about following my calling and she replied "I know" (At this point I had told no one)
So it was done. I told my Vicar, he put my name forward, I went to see my Ordination Officer and she put my name forward to the next level. The Diocesan Director of Ordination contacted me and we arranged to meet. I have met Rev Windley several times now, she recommended that before I head toward selection with the Bishop and the Selection Panel that I should leave my little rural parish and see Anglicanism at work in the towns. That is why I applied for my internship at Chorleywood and where I currently am on my journey.
There is more to come. Praying for continued strength during the potentially difficult times ahead.
It has been a very rocky road and not one that I would have chosen to tread had I the choice (however, that aside I am very pleased for the way my life has panned out so far and I have learned so much on the way that I doubt I would change it given my time over).
I had my initial calling to be in the church at the age of 12. I was playing a game in the playground at school and I suddenly stopped running as I was being chased. I froze on the spot. What happened I cannot really describe in great detail because I simply do not know. My next memory is of the hand of my friend John meeting my shoulder blades with a great smack as he shouted "TAG" before running off. It was a surreal moment and the feelings that had washed over me had revealed in quite plain thought that I was going to be a Vicar. Not a typical career choice for a 12 year old boy - most would probably opt for fireman, train driver or astronaut.
Everything seemed set, I was involved in the church as an alter server, Rev Andy got me started on leading parts of the service and I was getting a first hand insight into the work of a Vicar. As the years passed I got to the stage in my education where I was picking GCSEs and I made sure that Religious Studies was my chosen humanity subject. But it was here that my first deviation from the path began. Until this point I had never really questioned anything, I had become a Christian at about the age of nine, attended church and my local Christian youth group and generally been immersed in the Christian culture. I had never been given the challenge of looking at it objectively and working out how others may perceive it. During my lessons in RS I began to find questions which (at the time) had no answers and I found myself becoming frustrated and angry by the religion that had shaped my early childhood.
Church felt different too. I no longer felt that I was connected to the words that I was saying. Having learned them over the weeks and months for my role as Alter Server I had reached a point where I could reciet them without looking at the sheet and thus my brain could wander. Midway through one communion service I caught myself planning the rest of the week, what I was doing for school and work and such and not actually thinking about God or the words that I was speaking. It was at this point I first thought that maybe the Church of England could not accommodate me at that stage in my spiritual development. I tried different denominations, I wanted to see how they differed and if I felt a better sense of belonging in any of them. I drew a blank. I felt the same emptiness in each place and amongst each group of Christians. Then the situation became apparent. My faith was gone. It was not the denominations that left me cold it was the thought of God.
Atheism did not suit me. Perhaps there is something within me that requires I explore my spirituality but I needed to find some meaning in the universe. By this point I was about 17 and was choosing options for A-Level. I stuck with Religious Studies hoping that the philosophy and ethics section of the course would sufficiently challenge me and give me some meaning. It was then that I discovered the Buddhist belief system. Immediately I liked it, there was no God but there was a purpose to life. They were good people, honest and hard working and seemed to have achieved a state of relative peace in a world of chaos. I liked the solitude and the meditation and I was happy to discover more about myself as part of that religion for about a year.
I attended Spring Harvest that year, not because I felt that I should give Christianity one more go but simply because I had already paid for it before my loss of faith and also, all my friends went and it was a good excuse to see them and socialise. During one of the evening meetings I prayed. I don't really know what I expected to happen - to my mind I was dead to Jesus, I had walked away, joined another religion and actively discouraged people from believing based on my own narrow experiences. (It is not easy to write this and look back at the way I was - I am surprised the friends I met then have put up with me this long to be honest!) I remember the words I used very clearly. "Lord, if you are there then I need to know. I cannot pretend to be something I am not. This is it, I need proof or I have to walk away" and so it was done. I had set a challenge before God. Asked him to reveal himself in a way I could not deny or my days as a Christian were firmly behind me.
One of our group had been over-whelmed by the meeting and the calling of the Holy Spirit. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her fall and I attempted to move to catch her. It was fortunate that there were people within the crowd that were briefed to catch fallers as I suddenly realised my legs were unable to move. To those who may come across this blog and have no faith, it may seem like an alien concept, one bore out of desire or simply being part of the crowd and getting caught up in the emotion of the situation. But I would reply that at this point in my life I was not a Christian, I had been but I had fallen out of faith big time. I didn't even want to be a Christian if I am totally honest. God stepped in, answered my prayer and literally stopped me from walking away. A physical representation of the words I had spoken. To me, it was undeniable proof. One of the evening meeting leaders came and prayed, his words washed over me in a language I, he and my friends around me did not understand. The two words I heard in the garbled message was God and Amen. As the latter was spoken my legs were freed and once more I was walking and walking in Christian faith. I re-dedicated myself to Jesus that evening.
At home my life did not simply slip back into the habits of old. I was still very wary of the church. This had been the place where my faith was diminished and I was protective over my new found faith. I did not want it to be tainted by church politics and dogma. From that time onward I attended rarely. I got my church input from debates and discussions with fellow Christians, other religions and their practitioners and non-believers. I met with my friends, I had a very laid back approach to Church. I constantly and confidentially stated that I had Faith and not Religion. But it is impossible to separate the two for long and I found myself, with a stronger renewed faith, ready to face the challenges of church congregations again. I returned on a semi-regular basis.
Then my recalling to be a vicar returned a year or so ago. A strange evening where I had been discussing my journey with a friend, someone who struggled with his own faith - not because of questions that could not be answered like I found but because of his sexuality. He had questioned how he fitted into the church, just like I had, but for very different reasons. The day followed left me with nostalgia and the thought that being a vicar is something I should once again peruse. I did not do anything immediately, I simply believed that talking about it had evoked memories and it was obvious I was going to feel that way.
Days passed into weeks and still I had not acted. In the quiet moments of my day, the brief period before I passed into sleep, the groggy moment in the morning as my eyes adjusted to the day, the times in my car I sat without music playing, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. A little cough to get my attention and nudge me in the right direction. I prayed A LOT. I had already started down this road once before and it had not ended well. I reached a point that I needed to get reaffirmation from others. I needed to know if God was telling them the same thing. The response was unanimous. Others had been told I was supposed to be going down this route and everything seemed to fall into place. I remember telling my old youth leader that I was thinking about following my calling and she replied "I know" (At this point I had told no one)
So it was done. I told my Vicar, he put my name forward, I went to see my Ordination Officer and she put my name forward to the next level. The Diocesan Director of Ordination contacted me and we arranged to meet. I have met Rev Windley several times now, she recommended that before I head toward selection with the Bishop and the Selection Panel that I should leave my little rural parish and see Anglicanism at work in the towns. That is why I applied for my internship at Chorleywood and where I currently am on my journey.
There is more to come. Praying for continued strength during the potentially difficult times ahead.
Monday, 2 August 2010
Creative for Christ
Last night I attended church in Chorleywood - mainly because I wanted to show Laura around so she could see where I would be living and worshipping for the next year. It is very much the holiday time at the church - the Vicar is away and most of the youth have been taken off on their annual trip (New Wine this year) with some of the other youth leaders etc. I was told to expect a much smaller turn out than the last time I was there. (However, their small turn out was still three times the size of the congregation in Granborough - such is the difference of a Urban and Rurual church)
All is in place now to start the internship in September. The current gappers are busy packing up the house ready for us to take over and the full team of three has now been selected. I am being joined by another chap and a young lady. Jon and Fiona. Together, already, I can feel that we are going to be a great team.
Jon is a musician, his speciality is Jazz music and he studied at Trinity Music College (I think!) before doing a year at the London Bible College. Fiona is an artist, with a speciality in sculpture, and has just finished working as an artist in residence at a girls school in the area. Then there is me, a performer with a speciality in magic. Three creative sorts. Fiona said yesterday there had to be a reason why the three of us have been put in place at Chorleywood. God clearly has a plan to use our different and yet linked gifts to promote Christian life to the youth of the area. Hopefully the common ground of our creative backgrounds will help us to bond - it is always great to have something else in common apart from Christ and if we can use those abilities for the good of the Church as a unit and individually then I believe the impact will be positive.
So, August has approached and I am slowly going about my last few contracts as a full time entertainer before I pack myself up and head down the road to Chorleywood for the exciting adventures that await me. I ask you please to pray for fellowship, for faith, for staving off fatigue and also for finances. The next year is going to be tough in all of those areas and a good, strong network of support and prayers would be much appreciated.
There is not much more for me to update at the moment, until September rolls around I am going to be doing the boring admin work related to my taxes and such, I will spare you the details of that.
God Bless
Sam
All is in place now to start the internship in September. The current gappers are busy packing up the house ready for us to take over and the full team of three has now been selected. I am being joined by another chap and a young lady. Jon and Fiona. Together, already, I can feel that we are going to be a great team.
Jon is a musician, his speciality is Jazz music and he studied at Trinity Music College (I think!) before doing a year at the London Bible College. Fiona is an artist, with a speciality in sculpture, and has just finished working as an artist in residence at a girls school in the area. Then there is me, a performer with a speciality in magic. Three creative sorts. Fiona said yesterday there had to be a reason why the three of us have been put in place at Chorleywood. God clearly has a plan to use our different and yet linked gifts to promote Christian life to the youth of the area. Hopefully the common ground of our creative backgrounds will help us to bond - it is always great to have something else in common apart from Christ and if we can use those abilities for the good of the Church as a unit and individually then I believe the impact will be positive.
So, August has approached and I am slowly going about my last few contracts as a full time entertainer before I pack myself up and head down the road to Chorleywood for the exciting adventures that await me. I ask you please to pray for fellowship, for faith, for staving off fatigue and also for finances. The next year is going to be tough in all of those areas and a good, strong network of support and prayers would be much appreciated.
There is not much more for me to update at the moment, until September rolls around I am going to be doing the boring admin work related to my taxes and such, I will spare you the details of that.
God Bless
Sam
Monday, 26 July 2010
Water into Wine
Yesterday (25th July 2010) I gave my first talk at Granborough church. It was a strange time, I have stood before those people and performed magic as a child, as a youth and as a professional, I've lead parts of the service and served communion - but I had never spoken before. Not given my thoughts on parts of the Bible, not been responsible for the teaching.
I looked out upon the congregation and I was struck by how many of the people sitting there had been an intergral part of my Christian life. Alison, my church youth leader, her daughters, some of my earliest Christian friends and role models, Andy, the vicar I had announced to 12 years ago that some day I was also going to be a vicar and a man that was now helping me through the selection process to make good on my word. Doing my first talk amongst friends and neighbors was both a comfort but also added pressure. Not to mention the bittersweet reminder that in September 2010 i'll be moving on.
I started with a trick. I thought it would be a good plan to start within my comfort zone and then work out of it. I performed a trick that I did not normally do but the polished professional came through and managed to perform it to an acceptable standard. It was not until I started my 'sermon' that the nerves kicked in. So, what did I say? Here it is:
When I was first asked to speak about the first miracle of Jesus, turning the water into wine, I didn't have a clue where to begin. I re-read the story and naturally started to compare the events in John 2 to the other miracles of Christ.
In the grand scheme of things the water into wine miracle does not seem to be that special. It is certainly not on the same scale as Jesus having control over the elements and calming the storm, or holding dominion over the natural world by walking on water and healing the sick. It did not affect thousands of people like the feeding of the 5000 did and nor did it show power over death like the raising of Lazarus.
But what it does show is that Jesus Christ is the king of transformation. Nothing you can put before him cannot be changed by his command. It gives a hint to what is to come - that at the end of his life he will transform sinners into saints by his death upon the cross. The water used in the miracle did not come from jars intended for drinking but from ceremonial washing jars. Perhaps showing that out of the old laws and ancient practices Jesus was coming in glory and transforming a new kingdom of God. He took something ceremonial and made it into something celebratory.
There is, however, a point within the story that I feel is more important. Simply that is showed the true nature of Christ. Again he was presented with an oppertunity where he could have stood before the Bridal party, the master of ceremoinies, his family and friends and all the guests and made a flamboyant display of his power. Jesus chose not to. He acted quietly and without a fuss, so much so that when the wine was presented to the host of the party he did not even know where it had come from.
But the servants knew. He had decided to show his glory and power to those in the very lowest position - very much in keeping with his birth in a humble stable in Bethlehem in the company of lowly shepherds brought in from the hillsides. Once again Jesus demonstrates he is the servant king, the first come last and the last come first. Building a new kingdom of God from the ground up.
However, I did not believe that we can write off the fact that Jesus assisted in a difficult situation of a family friend, one that could have caused great embarrassment and diminished community standing if word got around that the wine ran out and the guests were not provided for, simply because his mother asked him to help. In doing so he honoured her and gave glory to his heavenly father - giving faith to those that followed him.
I looked out upon the congregation and I was struck by how many of the people sitting there had been an intergral part of my Christian life. Alison, my church youth leader, her daughters, some of my earliest Christian friends and role models, Andy, the vicar I had announced to 12 years ago that some day I was also going to be a vicar and a man that was now helping me through the selection process to make good on my word. Doing my first talk amongst friends and neighbors was both a comfort but also added pressure. Not to mention the bittersweet reminder that in September 2010 i'll be moving on.
I started with a trick. I thought it would be a good plan to start within my comfort zone and then work out of it. I performed a trick that I did not normally do but the polished professional came through and managed to perform it to an acceptable standard. It was not until I started my 'sermon' that the nerves kicked in. So, what did I say? Here it is:
When I was first asked to speak about the first miracle of Jesus, turning the water into wine, I didn't have a clue where to begin. I re-read the story and naturally started to compare the events in John 2 to the other miracles of Christ.
In the grand scheme of things the water into wine miracle does not seem to be that special. It is certainly not on the same scale as Jesus having control over the elements and calming the storm, or holding dominion over the natural world by walking on water and healing the sick. It did not affect thousands of people like the feeding of the 5000 did and nor did it show power over death like the raising of Lazarus.
But what it does show is that Jesus Christ is the king of transformation. Nothing you can put before him cannot be changed by his command. It gives a hint to what is to come - that at the end of his life he will transform sinners into saints by his death upon the cross. The water used in the miracle did not come from jars intended for drinking but from ceremonial washing jars. Perhaps showing that out of the old laws and ancient practices Jesus was coming in glory and transforming a new kingdom of God. He took something ceremonial and made it into something celebratory.
There is, however, a point within the story that I feel is more important. Simply that is showed the true nature of Christ. Again he was presented with an oppertunity where he could have stood before the Bridal party, the master of ceremoinies, his family and friends and all the guests and made a flamboyant display of his power. Jesus chose not to. He acted quietly and without a fuss, so much so that when the wine was presented to the host of the party he did not even know where it had come from.
But the servants knew. He had decided to show his glory and power to those in the very lowest position - very much in keeping with his birth in a humble stable in Bethlehem in the company of lowly shepherds brought in from the hillsides. Once again Jesus demonstrates he is the servant king, the first come last and the last come first. Building a new kingdom of God from the ground up.
However, I did not believe that we can write off the fact that Jesus assisted in a difficult situation of a family friend, one that could have caused great embarrassment and diminished community standing if word got around that the wine ran out and the guests were not provided for, simply because his mother asked him to help. In doing so he honoured her and gave glory to his heavenly father - giving faith to those that followed him.
Friday, 23 July 2010
Speaking and Listening
Sunday is a rather important milestone for me. I am speaking in church for the first time. I have been involved in my local church for several years, I have assisted with communion and lead parts of the litergy (the parts that don't require and ordained minister to lead - obviously) but I have never actually had to "preach" before (I do hate that word) but on Sunday - Rev Andy has asked me to speak at both my local church and the church in the next village along, about Jesus turning the water into wine - the first miracle of Christ.
I have had quite a lot of time to plan what I am going to say - I have spent many hours re-reading the passage and looking for ideas. I have found some good insights from various books and speakers about the importance of the first miracle. I read between the lines, tried to work out what the situation was that caused Jesus to act when he clearly had no desire to do so. ("Why do you ask this of me, woman, my time has not yet come") and I got so hung up on what to say, how to say it, was it right that I totally forgot the reason I was speaking in the first place.
It got me wondering. I wonder how many people that speak on a regular basis actually sit and listen to God. Just having a silent time of peace and quite, sitting in his presence and listening to exactly what he wants them to say. I have come to the firm conclusion that the most important part of a speakers role is to listen. I think it is vital. Not only does it demonstrate a willingness to speak the words that God wants spoken but also it shows a humility, I think, that the speaker is not standing before a congregation for a sense of self importance but because they have a poignant message to deliver.
The Rev has been really good - he has not spoon fed me the answers or given me a shove in the right direction, he has given me trust that I know what I am doing and that when I speak it won't be me but the words of God that are aptly conveyed to the congregation. It was not until last night that I realised that for speaking in church the most important part was listening. I've been too meticulous in planning, what trick will I use to accompany my talk, what level should I pitch it at, should I get some of the children up to help that I have totally forgotten to just sit and be quite and listen to what God wants me to say.
So as I sit here before the computer attempting to put fingers to keys in order to plan the final aspects of my talk for Sunday, I have actually decided not to. I am not going to write a script and learn it parrot fashion in order to rattle off a meaningless set of sentences that I believe are in the correct order. Nor am I going to go completely unprepared. It would not reflect very well on the glory of Christ if I stood before the congregation on Sunday and flapped and flustered my way through a presentation of poor quality. I am, however, not going to let myself stress too much about it. I am confident that God wants me to get used to standing up and talking to people in church and I pray that the skills I have learned in my secular work as an entertainer will come into play and the combination of faith and ability will see me through.
I'll let you know how it goes.
I have had quite a lot of time to plan what I am going to say - I have spent many hours re-reading the passage and looking for ideas. I have found some good insights from various books and speakers about the importance of the first miracle. I read between the lines, tried to work out what the situation was that caused Jesus to act when he clearly had no desire to do so. ("Why do you ask this of me, woman, my time has not yet come") and I got so hung up on what to say, how to say it, was it right that I totally forgot the reason I was speaking in the first place.
It got me wondering. I wonder how many people that speak on a regular basis actually sit and listen to God. Just having a silent time of peace and quite, sitting in his presence and listening to exactly what he wants them to say. I have come to the firm conclusion that the most important part of a speakers role is to listen. I think it is vital. Not only does it demonstrate a willingness to speak the words that God wants spoken but also it shows a humility, I think, that the speaker is not standing before a congregation for a sense of self importance but because they have a poignant message to deliver.
The Rev has been really good - he has not spoon fed me the answers or given me a shove in the right direction, he has given me trust that I know what I am doing and that when I speak it won't be me but the words of God that are aptly conveyed to the congregation. It was not until last night that I realised that for speaking in church the most important part was listening. I've been too meticulous in planning, what trick will I use to accompany my talk, what level should I pitch it at, should I get some of the children up to help that I have totally forgotten to just sit and be quite and listen to what God wants me to say.
So as I sit here before the computer attempting to put fingers to keys in order to plan the final aspects of my talk for Sunday, I have actually decided not to. I am not going to write a script and learn it parrot fashion in order to rattle off a meaningless set of sentences that I believe are in the correct order. Nor am I going to go completely unprepared. It would not reflect very well on the glory of Christ if I stood before the congregation on Sunday and flapped and flustered my way through a presentation of poor quality. I am, however, not going to let myself stress too much about it. I am confident that God wants me to get used to standing up and talking to people in church and I pray that the skills I have learned in my secular work as an entertainer will come into play and the combination of faith and ability will see me through.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Monday, 19 July 2010
Church Politics
I did not intend to be posting again so soon. I thought I would leave my blog to settle in before I attempted to write more but I have been given a hint of inspiration by something that someone has posted on my Facebook wall this evening.
A lady from the local community who remembers me from performing at a Christian Fellowship meeting when I was younger and newer to magic (and I don't mind saying - I was awful - I actually remember the performance well as one of the most painful experiences of my life and it made me give up magic until my good friend Tom talked me back into it - thank God) and also from performing at her children's birthday parties. (When I was older and more professional I hasten to add) - she has wished me well in my new ventures and said that the Vineyard group will pray for me too.
It was that last sentiment that struck me. I am not from the Vineyard church, I have been to some Vineyard meetings here and there and I do enjoy the charismatic style of worship. However, it is commonly known that Vineyard (which, if I am correct in saying, came over from America or Canada originally) and the Church of England do not usually make great bedfellows. (Probably not the best turn of phrase for a blog about Church Politics) but it was that fellowship that really made me smile.
Despite the denominational differences in the two groups (and indeed all church groups) there is still at the heart of it all a good community of people that love each other. Granted you are always going to get the occasional loose cannon or uptight traditionalist that believes a very set line and nothing else but on the whole most Christians that I have met are good eggs and have a lot of affection for others, especially those that have come to know Christ.
I am not by any means saying that we are a perfect bunch. Far from it. Sometimes I have know Christians (myself included) to act in the most unchristian ways and hide under a banner of faith, dogma or Bible text. Sometimes I listen to the way people speak and claim to be all forgiving, all inclusive and all supporting but actually are the complete opposite (I was very much like that when I was younger - everything was black and white with no gray areas and no room for differences) but it was the words of Julie this evening though that reminded me that there is a Christian fellowship.
It needs work, it needs promoting and more often than not it needs patching up, rebuilding and sometimes even remodeling but it is there.
A lady from the local community who remembers me from performing at a Christian Fellowship meeting when I was younger and newer to magic (and I don't mind saying - I was awful - I actually remember the performance well as one of the most painful experiences of my life and it made me give up magic until my good friend Tom talked me back into it - thank God) and also from performing at her children's birthday parties. (When I was older and more professional I hasten to add) - she has wished me well in my new ventures and said that the Vineyard group will pray for me too.
It was that last sentiment that struck me. I am not from the Vineyard church, I have been to some Vineyard meetings here and there and I do enjoy the charismatic style of worship. However, it is commonly known that Vineyard (which, if I am correct in saying, came over from America or Canada originally) and the Church of England do not usually make great bedfellows. (Probably not the best turn of phrase for a blog about Church Politics) but it was that fellowship that really made me smile.
Despite the denominational differences in the two groups (and indeed all church groups) there is still at the heart of it all a good community of people that love each other. Granted you are always going to get the occasional loose cannon or uptight traditionalist that believes a very set line and nothing else but on the whole most Christians that I have met are good eggs and have a lot of affection for others, especially those that have come to know Christ.
I am not by any means saying that we are a perfect bunch. Far from it. Sometimes I have know Christians (myself included) to act in the most unchristian ways and hide under a banner of faith, dogma or Bible text. Sometimes I listen to the way people speak and claim to be all forgiving, all inclusive and all supporting but actually are the complete opposite (I was very much like that when I was younger - everything was black and white with no gray areas and no room for differences) but it was the words of Julie this evening though that reminded me that there is a Christian fellowship.
It needs work, it needs promoting and more often than not it needs patching up, rebuilding and sometimes even remodeling but it is there.
The Journey Begins
I wrestled for some time with what to call this blog and wondered if it was worth starting in the first place. I didn't do very much with my entertainment based blog although many people said I should post more (for those kind comments I am grateful) however this blog is going to be more than just a communication to those that I know and love to keep them updated with my progress. It is going to be the place where I share the thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns and times of great joy as I take the next steps in the plan that God has for me.
Let me get you up to date:
Currently I am, as many of you know, a self employed entertainer. I have been since I left school. Performing magic, juggling and general foolishness at parties and events across the country. I have loved every moment of it, I have enjoyed the freedom it has allowed me - answering to no boss but myself, working with some fantastic entertainers and brilliant organisers and generally making people happy. There really is nothing I enjoy more than the feeling of an event going totally to plan, children laughing and adults relaxed and happy because they have had a stress free time. The hours are erratic, often long and in strange weather conditions and the amount of travel is monumental. Sometimes events are horrible and I feel like an inconvenience rather than an enhancement to the event. However, in September all that changes. I am telling the taxman I am trading no more and I am, so to speak, hanging up my magic wand for the time being.
I have been offered a post as a Youth and Children's Assistant over in Christ Church Chorleywood. A really lovely Evangelical church in the heart of a community. I am going to be housed and have a basic living cost provided for me and in return ill be working as part of the church staff team helping to run events for the youth and children of the local area. It will be a full time job, pretty much, with Thursday off each week and the odd Saturday (according to the current interns) - I am really excited about the prospect but also daunted too. It is a huge change. Ill be living away from home for the first time ever in a house with two relative strangers (I have met one chap already - Jon - but only for a short amount of time) and living in a huge town - a rather large step up from my quiet village life. Why am I doing this? My DDO (Diocesan Director of Ordination) wants me to experience a larger church with a different worship style in an urban area before I am put forward to selection and ultimately (God's will be done) off to Vicar Factory for training.
What am I expecting? A lot of hard work, long hours and challenges faced from working with young people. I know that is is going to test my faith, my patience and my body at time but I am thankful that I already have experience and gifts suitable to this work. Hopefully I can bring something positive to those that I work with and help them along their own journeys as I continue in mine. I am also expecting a lot of fun and laughter - the team at CC are fantastic and the reception I received on my interview day was so warm that it felt as though I had been attending the church for years rather than arriving at 10am that morning.
So, July and August are filled with my last entertainment events as a full time entertainer, magician and general clown. It is going to be a very sad time. Packing up my stuff and stowing it safely in this little office that has been the base of my operations for years. Packing up my life and moving away from family and friends that I have been around for nearly 25 years. I never attended university, I never lived away from this community and I would be lying if I said I was not going to miss it. I am going to miss it terribly. These are the people I have grown up around, the church that has been a part of my Christian life since I was Christened age 9. Leaving the comfort and safety of my own self employment, being master of my own destiny and in control of my own life to putting total trust in God, is a very scary thought. However I have a strong faith, I have been through a lot in my relationship with God so far and I know that however many times I fail ill be picked up, dusted off and put back on the right path.
Prayers would be appreciated as I go through this change - a smooth transition on my next step would be welcome and Ill keep you all updated as to my progress.
God Bless
Sam
Let me get you up to date:
Currently I am, as many of you know, a self employed entertainer. I have been since I left school. Performing magic, juggling and general foolishness at parties and events across the country. I have loved every moment of it, I have enjoyed the freedom it has allowed me - answering to no boss but myself, working with some fantastic entertainers and brilliant organisers and generally making people happy. There really is nothing I enjoy more than the feeling of an event going totally to plan, children laughing and adults relaxed and happy because they have had a stress free time. The hours are erratic, often long and in strange weather conditions and the amount of travel is monumental. Sometimes events are horrible and I feel like an inconvenience rather than an enhancement to the event. However, in September all that changes. I am telling the taxman I am trading no more and I am, so to speak, hanging up my magic wand for the time being.
I have been offered a post as a Youth and Children's Assistant over in Christ Church Chorleywood. A really lovely Evangelical church in the heart of a community. I am going to be housed and have a basic living cost provided for me and in return ill be working as part of the church staff team helping to run events for the youth and children of the local area. It will be a full time job, pretty much, with Thursday off each week and the odd Saturday (according to the current interns) - I am really excited about the prospect but also daunted too. It is a huge change. Ill be living away from home for the first time ever in a house with two relative strangers (I have met one chap already - Jon - but only for a short amount of time) and living in a huge town - a rather large step up from my quiet village life. Why am I doing this? My DDO (Diocesan Director of Ordination) wants me to experience a larger church with a different worship style in an urban area before I am put forward to selection and ultimately (God's will be done) off to Vicar Factory for training.
What am I expecting? A lot of hard work, long hours and challenges faced from working with young people. I know that is is going to test my faith, my patience and my body at time but I am thankful that I already have experience and gifts suitable to this work. Hopefully I can bring something positive to those that I work with and help them along their own journeys as I continue in mine. I am also expecting a lot of fun and laughter - the team at CC are fantastic and the reception I received on my interview day was so warm that it felt as though I had been attending the church for years rather than arriving at 10am that morning.
So, July and August are filled with my last entertainment events as a full time entertainer, magician and general clown. It is going to be a very sad time. Packing up my stuff and stowing it safely in this little office that has been the base of my operations for years. Packing up my life and moving away from family and friends that I have been around for nearly 25 years. I never attended university, I never lived away from this community and I would be lying if I said I was not going to miss it. I am going to miss it terribly. These are the people I have grown up around, the church that has been a part of my Christian life since I was Christened age 9. Leaving the comfort and safety of my own self employment, being master of my own destiny and in control of my own life to putting total trust in God, is a very scary thought. However I have a strong faith, I have been through a lot in my relationship with God so far and I know that however many times I fail ill be picked up, dusted off and put back on the right path.
Prayers would be appreciated as I go through this change - a smooth transition on my next step would be welcome and Ill keep you all updated as to my progress.
God Bless
Sam
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