I am sorry, but it is true. God made dinosaurs.
One aspect of religion that I have been thinking about lately is the age old argument of Creationism Vs Evolution. Dawkins would have us all believe that there is a massive issue with the two and how they don't work in tandem with one another. In fact, a lot of prominant Christians would also have us believe that the two cannot be mutually true. Let me start straight away by saying I am NOT a Creationist, I do not believe that creation happened as literally as Genesis states. Nor am I a scientist. I have not studied the in's and out's of biology to any level other than my GCSEs. So, why am I writing this post? Because I feel that I am a rational human being with faith.
Firstly, I am not going to deny the existence of something that is proven. Fossils have been found, dinosaurs existed, humans share DNA with Apes and such like. This is fact. When people turn around and blindly state that it is not true they make themselves look narrow minded and, in my opinion, foolish and thus make what they stand for look foolish too. Often I have been informed by non-believers that I don't believe in evolution because I am a Christian. That is simply not true, I am a Christian, yes, and yes, I also believe in evolution.
So, why is the account of the Bible creation so vastly different from what science knows to be true? There are many reasons
Some state that translation of the word "day" - some state that this word is not the literal 24 hour period that we understand as a day but simply a period of time. A section of existence. God operates outside of time, he is not bound by our simplistic human understanding of the passing of hours, a minute to us could be an eternity to God. If those 6 days of creation were actually 6 million years of creation then evolution fits. (that is a loose estimation when it comes to time, I am not well versed in science, as stated earlier, or how many million years ago the world was created)
Secondly, when the Bible was written there was a lack of scientific awareness. That is obvious. Progress has since been made and we have learned about different aspects of the past from what we have discovered with the modern tools and scientic anaylsis we have. People who wrote the Bible were looking at the past in a very different way to the way in which we see it. They did not have the tools or the understanding to make the theories we do so could only write as they saw. They saw the various animals that they had and concluded that they were as God created them. God did create them, time evolved them. The two are not counter productive as arguments.
Lastly, my translation of the Bible does not list any animal specifically at the point of creation. It does not say "God created an elephant, it was grey and had large tusks and floppy ears" - the translation I have before me simply states "Beasts of the land and sea and birds of the air" - the scope is wide open for what these creatures are. There is no mention of them being the evolved and domesticated creatures that we have today. It is not until much later in the Bible that animals start to be named as specifics. Sheep for sacrifice, clean and unclean animals appearing in visions, birds such as doves and ravens being used in Noah's ark. Creation does not state specifics about what these creatures were.
This is by no means a fact. This is just the ponderings that I have thought over the last few weeks. I have been listening to a lot of the arguments that Dawkins puts forward in his videos. The man may not know much about faith (although he speaks about it a lot) but he knows his science and in that aspect, he is worth listening to.
Science does not disprove the existence of God and his creation it simply is the study of his creation.
Monday 18 October 2010
Sunday 17 October 2010
Live to serve
I was prompted into writing this blog in response to my good friend Steve. He has spoken on his blog about his son taking the first steps to be an Alter server in the Church of England.
This is an old tradition that goes back to the times before the great schism when the Catholic Church and the Protestant Church broke apart and it is a tradition that has stayed in the high end of the Anglican church. I was brought up in a very traditional little village church and it was actually my fairly modern and forward thinking Vicar that suggested I become an alter server. I served very happily for most of my youth and when I came back to exploring my ordination I started to serve again, until my move to Christchurch.
Steve's son's tentative steps into the hierachy of the Anglican church lead me to wonder, what did I get out of serving? What has it done for me? I know with most church based work it is not a case of what you get out of it but what you put into it, but I wondered, there were other people on sidesperson duty that could deliver the chalice just as well as I was able to, the only difference was the attire. I wore long black and white robes similar to the vicar when I served and the other sidespersons didnt'.
Why did my Vicar choose me to be an alter server? These thoughts have been running through my mind lately and I think I have hit upon an answer.
As an alter server I learned a lot about the church. The way it worked, the rules, the traditions and ceremonies, the politics and the general nitty gritty involved in the day to day running of services. I gained an insight into the work of a Vicar which has stood me in good stead for my current journey. Perhaps my vicar saw something in me then that made him believe it would be useful to me in the future. Perhaps my sense of calling was stronger than I realised and was already being outwardly projected to other people.
I also learned a lot about myself, I learned that I was capable of doing some aspects of the services in church, I was able to stand at the front and speak words from the book of common prayer and lead people through the minefield of Christian lingo to affirm our faith and repent of our sins. I learned that people accepted me in that role and my place within the church. I was encouraged by those involved in church life, the vicar, the wardens, the other sidespersons and the congregation. They appeared to enjoy having a young face in the team and I was happy to be there.
I became closer to God in terms of faith. I felt that I was working directly for him. I now know that all Christians are working for God (or should be striving to do so) but when I was younger I thought it was only the clergy that worked for God. The ceremony and tradition gave me a sense of value within the church, I was no longer just another young person, but one that had a set direction and I think this made me more open to the plans that God had lined up for me.
Most importantly though I learned the value of service. I don't mean delivering the chalice to people or leading from the front but genuine service, doing jobs for other people simply because it is a good thing to do. Being an alter server has instilled those values in me and I *try* to be good at service now. Life does have a tendancy to get in the way and I know that I have not always been the best server I could be - at home for example I would often shy away from various chores such as washing up. I suppose the main reason is that it was my family and I didn't feel that I needed to make any special effort there which is not the right attitude to have.
Since I have moved across to Christchurch I have tried to serve as best I can. I quite enjoy helping others and easing the load when I am able to. Sometimes it is difficult to serve without being detremential to yourself, sometimes you can do too much and wear yourself out or simply not have enough time for your own rest and relaxation. I think a lot of Christians can experience this "burn out" if time is not well managed. It all ties in with what we were learning about on our leadership course this week. Jesus spoke about not having to make oathes to people and simply letting your yes be yes and your no be no without putting in time frames and other stipulations.
If people ask me to do something I will do my best to get it done. I cannot promise it will be instant though. I think that serving in my little church in Granborough helped me to see how much serving others is appreciated and valued, after all Jesus was the servant king and I do wear WWJD on my wrist - what would Jesus do? I am uttetly convinced he would serve.
So, if you pop around, expect a cup of tea.
God Bless
This is an old tradition that goes back to the times before the great schism when the Catholic Church and the Protestant Church broke apart and it is a tradition that has stayed in the high end of the Anglican church. I was brought up in a very traditional little village church and it was actually my fairly modern and forward thinking Vicar that suggested I become an alter server. I served very happily for most of my youth and when I came back to exploring my ordination I started to serve again, until my move to Christchurch.
Steve's son's tentative steps into the hierachy of the Anglican church lead me to wonder, what did I get out of serving? What has it done for me? I know with most church based work it is not a case of what you get out of it but what you put into it, but I wondered, there were other people on sidesperson duty that could deliver the chalice just as well as I was able to, the only difference was the attire. I wore long black and white robes similar to the vicar when I served and the other sidespersons didnt'.
Why did my Vicar choose me to be an alter server? These thoughts have been running through my mind lately and I think I have hit upon an answer.
As an alter server I learned a lot about the church. The way it worked, the rules, the traditions and ceremonies, the politics and the general nitty gritty involved in the day to day running of services. I gained an insight into the work of a Vicar which has stood me in good stead for my current journey. Perhaps my vicar saw something in me then that made him believe it would be useful to me in the future. Perhaps my sense of calling was stronger than I realised and was already being outwardly projected to other people.
I also learned a lot about myself, I learned that I was capable of doing some aspects of the services in church, I was able to stand at the front and speak words from the book of common prayer and lead people through the minefield of Christian lingo to affirm our faith and repent of our sins. I learned that people accepted me in that role and my place within the church. I was encouraged by those involved in church life, the vicar, the wardens, the other sidespersons and the congregation. They appeared to enjoy having a young face in the team and I was happy to be there.
I became closer to God in terms of faith. I felt that I was working directly for him. I now know that all Christians are working for God (or should be striving to do so) but when I was younger I thought it was only the clergy that worked for God. The ceremony and tradition gave me a sense of value within the church, I was no longer just another young person, but one that had a set direction and I think this made me more open to the plans that God had lined up for me.
Most importantly though I learned the value of service. I don't mean delivering the chalice to people or leading from the front but genuine service, doing jobs for other people simply because it is a good thing to do. Being an alter server has instilled those values in me and I *try* to be good at service now. Life does have a tendancy to get in the way and I know that I have not always been the best server I could be - at home for example I would often shy away from various chores such as washing up. I suppose the main reason is that it was my family and I didn't feel that I needed to make any special effort there which is not the right attitude to have.
Since I have moved across to Christchurch I have tried to serve as best I can. I quite enjoy helping others and easing the load when I am able to. Sometimes it is difficult to serve without being detremential to yourself, sometimes you can do too much and wear yourself out or simply not have enough time for your own rest and relaxation. I think a lot of Christians can experience this "burn out" if time is not well managed. It all ties in with what we were learning about on our leadership course this week. Jesus spoke about not having to make oathes to people and simply letting your yes be yes and your no be no without putting in time frames and other stipulations.
If people ask me to do something I will do my best to get it done. I cannot promise it will be instant though. I think that serving in my little church in Granborough helped me to see how much serving others is appreciated and valued, after all Jesus was the servant king and I do wear WWJD on my wrist - what would Jesus do? I am uttetly convinced he would serve.
So, if you pop around, expect a cup of tea.
God Bless
Wednesday 6 October 2010
Born to lead?
Today I had the first set of lectures in the term at CML. We are doing the Leadership module.
The lecturer started with introducing the different styles of leadership that are prevailent in the world today and how each of them differ, we did a lot of questionaire tests to work out our own style and generally to assess where we are. But the most interesting and perhaps challenging part of today was when he said "Everyone is born with the ability to lead" - I am not sure that I agree.
As Christians we are constantly told about discerning what gifts God has for you. I remember being told over the years that not everyone is supposed to do everything. Some people don't play any instruments or have the ability to sing, so the chances are God is not going to call them to be worship leaders. Some people really don't do well with reading aloud and in front of people, so chances are God is not going to choose them to do Bible readings at cell/life groups or at church. But then this phrase comes in that we are all called to lead? Some people, I am afraid, are not born leaders. They don't inspire or motivate people, their gifts are not in time management or planning. Some people just lack charisma that is needed for leadership. It is not a bad thing, their gifts, no doubt, lay elsewhere but I just don't think it is healthy to suggest that everyone can be taught to lead because it is already within them somewhere.
The lecturer was also talking about influence and Christians infiltrating society in order to evengelise in a way that was not shouting from street corners with a megaphone and I full agree that Christians are called to influence people with their chosen way to live. The morals that go against the accepted secular norm in favour of a different way of life. I fully agree that influence is PART of leadership.
For example, if I were to buy a homeless person a cup of coffee because I felt that I should and that example caused a passerby to reconsider their stance on charity, that is influence. I don't think it is leadership. Leadership comes with a more hands on approach over a longer period of time. You have to be there to walk with people as they progress, you have to motivate and encourage in times that are difficult, you have to reward their success and share in their joy of achievement. This is a process that is on-going and could last for years (or until the end of a project)
I also agree that different leaders and different styles of leadership are needed for various times and varying socities and such like but I still don't think that everyone has the ability to be a leader.
Ultimately, it is in the hands of God. My personal faith would have me believe that God would never call you to do something that you are not capable of. Maybe there is a dormant and underlying seed of leadership within everyone he created that is awoken at the right point, for the right purpose and then is done. I don't know.
Just thought I would share my thoughts.
God Bless
The lecturer started with introducing the different styles of leadership that are prevailent in the world today and how each of them differ, we did a lot of questionaire tests to work out our own style and generally to assess where we are. But the most interesting and perhaps challenging part of today was when he said "Everyone is born with the ability to lead" - I am not sure that I agree.
As Christians we are constantly told about discerning what gifts God has for you. I remember being told over the years that not everyone is supposed to do everything. Some people don't play any instruments or have the ability to sing, so the chances are God is not going to call them to be worship leaders. Some people really don't do well with reading aloud and in front of people, so chances are God is not going to choose them to do Bible readings at cell/life groups or at church. But then this phrase comes in that we are all called to lead? Some people, I am afraid, are not born leaders. They don't inspire or motivate people, their gifts are not in time management or planning. Some people just lack charisma that is needed for leadership. It is not a bad thing, their gifts, no doubt, lay elsewhere but I just don't think it is healthy to suggest that everyone can be taught to lead because it is already within them somewhere.
The lecturer was also talking about influence and Christians infiltrating society in order to evengelise in a way that was not shouting from street corners with a megaphone and I full agree that Christians are called to influence people with their chosen way to live. The morals that go against the accepted secular norm in favour of a different way of life. I fully agree that influence is PART of leadership.
For example, if I were to buy a homeless person a cup of coffee because I felt that I should and that example caused a passerby to reconsider their stance on charity, that is influence. I don't think it is leadership. Leadership comes with a more hands on approach over a longer period of time. You have to be there to walk with people as they progress, you have to motivate and encourage in times that are difficult, you have to reward their success and share in their joy of achievement. This is a process that is on-going and could last for years (or until the end of a project)
I also agree that different leaders and different styles of leadership are needed for various times and varying socities and such like but I still don't think that everyone has the ability to be a leader.
Ultimately, it is in the hands of God. My personal faith would have me believe that God would never call you to do something that you are not capable of. Maybe there is a dormant and underlying seed of leadership within everyone he created that is awoken at the right point, for the right purpose and then is done. I don't know.
Just thought I would share my thoughts.
God Bless
Tuesday 28 September 2010
My Faith
This is possibly going to be one of the most open and honest posts I have made on this blog so far. I am not saying that for any other reason that I think it is important. I am not trying to make a point or convey anything other than what I am currently feeling.
Today we had listening prayers at the vicarage. We have listening prayers every Tuesday morning, we are given a part to read from the Bible and then we sit in silence and contemplate it and listen to what God says and where he takes us from there. Today I was struck by one particular phrase that came to mind in my quiet time. "You cannot change the world until you first change your own world" and I knew instantly what it was about.
Potentially in 5 years time I could be a vicar, I could be leading a church somewhere in the country and facilitating the faith and needs of a whole host of people. Am I in a position at this moment in time where I feel capable of doing that? Can I cope with having a hand in other peoples journey with God when my own is still navigating past rocky patches and places where the brambles are overgrown and blocking the way.
When I was younger, around the age of 12, my faith was utterly unshakeable. Nothing could stop me in my belief, nothing made me question the existence of my God and nothing could provide an unanswerable quandry. I saw everything in black and white. This was right and this was wrong. There was no middle ground. I wish I had the first part of that back. I am pleased that I am now more relaxed in my faith and that I have a more personal relationship with God but I wish I could return to the time when my faith was utterly unwavering (although I would rather not return to my more militant and fundementalist views). Jesus said to his disciples that we all need to have faith like Children and I think for the first time in my life I really understand what that means on a personal level. It was much easier to believe when I was younger.
Suprisingly, one of my favourite films comes up with a good explaination of that. Dogma, while meant to be a frivilous look at the way the Catholic Church operates and a film that is not scripturally accurate etc, it does make one good point. A character states "Faith is like filling a cup, when you are younger the cup is very small and it is easy to fill. When you get older the cup gets bigger and the same amount no longer fills it" - I would not say that I feel spiritually empty or even that I am going through a wilderness time but simply that my affairs, spiritually, are not in order. I have not made enough time with God to develop my relationship with him, I've not listened well enough to what he has said. If I am totally honest, then I have, for some time, talked the talk without walking the walk.
When I was sitting in listening prayers today a song entered my thoughts. It was Silent Night, the version released in the 60s by Simon and Garfunkle. For those that have never heard it, they play a very simple stripped back version with the 6pm evening news playing in the background. The news is talking about murder, fires, destruction and chaos and all the time the angelic voice of Art Garfunkel and Paul Simon sing about heavenly peace in a beautiful and poigniant paradox. I was struck especially by one line "Sleep in heavenly peace" and I thought to myself, that is exactly what I am doing. I am allowing myself to slumber in my faith, to coast along in my safe little Christian bubble when actually there is a lot more going on underneath than I am allowing myself to be involved with. I am being challanged and I am ignoring it, I am being called and turning my back. I need to confront myself and the fear that I have and stand up tall in my faith again. I know that I need to deal with the issues that I have based on my personal development with Jesus and
just feel the love that is offered to me.
I can talk about the love of God, I can find the references to the mercy and the grace, to the awesome sacrifice, to the ultimate gift that has been given to me despite my many human failings but I cannot feel it. How can I show it if I don't feel it. My faith is very much alive and it is still, I hope, shining through in what I do, but I think, like the version of Silent Night, I need to strip back everything else, get back to basics and just immerse myself in the love of our Lord.
Prayers would be appreciated.
God Bless
Sam
Today we had listening prayers at the vicarage. We have listening prayers every Tuesday morning, we are given a part to read from the Bible and then we sit in silence and contemplate it and listen to what God says and where he takes us from there. Today I was struck by one particular phrase that came to mind in my quiet time. "You cannot change the world until you first change your own world" and I knew instantly what it was about.
Potentially in 5 years time I could be a vicar, I could be leading a church somewhere in the country and facilitating the faith and needs of a whole host of people. Am I in a position at this moment in time where I feel capable of doing that? Can I cope with having a hand in other peoples journey with God when my own is still navigating past rocky patches and places where the brambles are overgrown and blocking the way.
When I was younger, around the age of 12, my faith was utterly unshakeable. Nothing could stop me in my belief, nothing made me question the existence of my God and nothing could provide an unanswerable quandry. I saw everything in black and white. This was right and this was wrong. There was no middle ground. I wish I had the first part of that back. I am pleased that I am now more relaxed in my faith and that I have a more personal relationship with God but I wish I could return to the time when my faith was utterly unwavering (although I would rather not return to my more militant and fundementalist views). Jesus said to his disciples that we all need to have faith like Children and I think for the first time in my life I really understand what that means on a personal level. It was much easier to believe when I was younger.
Suprisingly, one of my favourite films comes up with a good explaination of that. Dogma, while meant to be a frivilous look at the way the Catholic Church operates and a film that is not scripturally accurate etc, it does make one good point. A character states "Faith is like filling a cup, when you are younger the cup is very small and it is easy to fill. When you get older the cup gets bigger and the same amount no longer fills it" - I would not say that I feel spiritually empty or even that I am going through a wilderness time but simply that my affairs, spiritually, are not in order. I have not made enough time with God to develop my relationship with him, I've not listened well enough to what he has said. If I am totally honest, then I have, for some time, talked the talk without walking the walk.
When I was sitting in listening prayers today a song entered my thoughts. It was Silent Night, the version released in the 60s by Simon and Garfunkle. For those that have never heard it, they play a very simple stripped back version with the 6pm evening news playing in the background. The news is talking about murder, fires, destruction and chaos and all the time the angelic voice of Art Garfunkel and Paul Simon sing about heavenly peace in a beautiful and poigniant paradox. I was struck especially by one line "Sleep in heavenly peace" and I thought to myself, that is exactly what I am doing. I am allowing myself to slumber in my faith, to coast along in my safe little Christian bubble when actually there is a lot more going on underneath than I am allowing myself to be involved with. I am being challanged and I am ignoring it, I am being called and turning my back. I need to confront myself and the fear that I have and stand up tall in my faith again. I know that I need to deal with the issues that I have based on my personal development with Jesus and
just feel the love that is offered to me.
I can talk about the love of God, I can find the references to the mercy and the grace, to the awesome sacrifice, to the ultimate gift that has been given to me despite my many human failings but I cannot feel it. How can I show it if I don't feel it. My faith is very much alive and it is still, I hope, shining through in what I do, but I think, like the version of Silent Night, I need to strip back everything else, get back to basics and just immerse myself in the love of our Lord.
Prayers would be appreciated.
God Bless
Sam
Sunday 26 September 2010
Celebrity Christian Culture
We live in a world of Celebrity. It is, in my opinion, unfortunate. We are constantly bombarded by news articles, television programmes, websites and entire magazines dedicated to "being a celebrity" - it has been linked with girls having negative images of themselve, guys feeling the need to use steroids to change their body, the rise in numbers of people with eating disorders, huge amounts of money spent on surgical body enhancement in order to be like these famous folk. It is a huge market, one that produces a lot of revenue for many people and one that a vast number of people buy into and lap up on a regular basis.
Perhaps more dissappointly it seems to also have infiltrated Christian culture. Rather than the Christianity being a good example to the shallow and superficial world of Celebrity it seems that Celebrity has managed to inflict it's own shallow and superficial stance on Christians.
Christianity seems to be having a revival with huge festival style meetings and speakers flown in from all over the world hailed as "The most dynamic and most creative Chrisitan speaker ever" or Worship leaders that have "Sold hundreds and thousands of albums worldwide". Many Christians speakers do so with intergrity and continue to use their time on stage before thousands of other Christians for the right reason, Jesus, and the message that he wanted delivered.
Sometimes, however, it does feel like some speakers are not giving all the glory to God, not speaking with humility that I believe should be associated with their words, not rooting their messages in scripture and generally missing the point. Fortunately they are few and far between and, like I mentioned earlier, the vast number of Christian preachers and speakers do have intergrity and genuine love of Jesus.
But who is responsible for the ones that don't? Is it totally their fault that they have been raised up onto a pedestal and start to believe their own hype and maybe even revel in their new found fame in their comfortable neich market? Or do we, as Christians, have a responsibility to monitor those that speak and deliver the word of God? Is it up to us to judge and speak out if there is something that does not feel right to us.
Another aspect of this whole "Christian Celebrity" culture is the obvious hawking of books, cd's and dvd's. I don't have an issue with people writing books and asking people to pay for them, likewise with CD's and DVD's but I object to the constant barrage you get, at some Christian events, of the phrase "You can buy this... this is avilable for... for a bargain price of..." and having the stalls to sell them right there in the tent. Jesus kicked over tables and stopped people trading in the temple, is this really that far removed? (Perhaps the main difference being the lack of corruption in the Christian marketplace)
Sorry, somewhat of a rant there but I think I needed to get it off my chest. It is hard to become a well known Christian speaker and not be given many compliments on your ability to communicate and speaking from the experience I gained in the entertainment industry, it is very hard not to let constant encouragements and praise coupled with compliments and applause inflate the ego just a little bit.
Perhaps more dissappointly it seems to also have infiltrated Christian culture. Rather than the Christianity being a good example to the shallow and superficial world of Celebrity it seems that Celebrity has managed to inflict it's own shallow and superficial stance on Christians.
Christianity seems to be having a revival with huge festival style meetings and speakers flown in from all over the world hailed as "The most dynamic and most creative Chrisitan speaker ever" or Worship leaders that have "Sold hundreds and thousands of albums worldwide". Many Christians speakers do so with intergrity and continue to use their time on stage before thousands of other Christians for the right reason, Jesus, and the message that he wanted delivered.
Sometimes, however, it does feel like some speakers are not giving all the glory to God, not speaking with humility that I believe should be associated with their words, not rooting their messages in scripture and generally missing the point. Fortunately they are few and far between and, like I mentioned earlier, the vast number of Christian preachers and speakers do have intergrity and genuine love of Jesus.
But who is responsible for the ones that don't? Is it totally their fault that they have been raised up onto a pedestal and start to believe their own hype and maybe even revel in their new found fame in their comfortable neich market? Or do we, as Christians, have a responsibility to monitor those that speak and deliver the word of God? Is it up to us to judge and speak out if there is something that does not feel right to us.
Another aspect of this whole "Christian Celebrity" culture is the obvious hawking of books, cd's and dvd's. I don't have an issue with people writing books and asking people to pay for them, likewise with CD's and DVD's but I object to the constant barrage you get, at some Christian events, of the phrase "You can buy this... this is avilable for... for a bargain price of..." and having the stalls to sell them right there in the tent. Jesus kicked over tables and stopped people trading in the temple, is this really that far removed? (Perhaps the main difference being the lack of corruption in the Christian marketplace)
Sorry, somewhat of a rant there but I think I needed to get it off my chest. It is hard to become a well known Christian speaker and not be given many compliments on your ability to communicate and speaking from the experience I gained in the entertainment industry, it is very hard not to let constant encouragements and praise coupled with compliments and applause inflate the ego just a little bit.
Wednesday 22 September 2010
20s Cell
So, last night was the first meeting of the 20 somethings group from Chorleywood church. In an aim to give people a place to progress to at the end of the youth programme and also to make sure that the uni students have somewhere they can go with people of a similar age when they are back in the area between terms, this group has been setup with an aim to do worship, Bible study, discussion and general social activities (BANTER)- the group is currently nameless.
There were many people there last night. However, it will soon reduce in number as the students head off to various years of university life. Some of them for the first time. The vision is that there will be a sort of buddy system where those of us that will be regular in attendance will feed information on to those at uni. This will keep them very much in the loop and part of the fellowship.
Last night we examined 1 John Chapter 1. What I was struck by in this chapter was that it was based on experience. This was a letter from John, a man who had actually walked side by side with Jesus, spoken to him face to face and shared bread with him, saying that he would not be complete in his joy until he had shared it with others. Were three says "What we have seen and heard we announce to you too, so that you may have fellowship with us and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ"
An amazing verse. John who experienced Christ first hand, on a personal level, wants to share that experience with us so that we too may be part of the fellowship. Not just an addition, not just a number to add to the people who believe but an equal partner in the fellowship. Not only that but the fellowship is also between God and Jesus. We are allowed, through the word, to join with the intimate and unending relationship of Father and Son. One of unconditional love and infinate wisdom.
The rest of the chapter has a focus on Jesus as the light of the world. With him there is NO darkness and if we too want to announce that we walk in the light then we actually have to do it. There is no chance to hide in the shadows and be in darkness in our hearts and minds and simply pay lip service. Doing so is a lie and it was really interesting to read that the end of the chapter stated "If we say we have not sinned we make him (God) a liar and his word is not in us"
Not only is it deceptive to ourselves to think we are blameless and sinless but to announce it is to suggest that God is wrong when he says we are sinful. Jesus made it very clear that all have sinned and only in the acknowledgement of that and choosing to walk in the light of Jesus, joining in with that fellowship shared by God and Jesus, do we become purified by his sacrifice.
Amazing evening and one that spoke to me on a very personal level. For a long time I have felt that I am simply paying lip service to my faith. I have been scared to stand out from the crowd as a Christian and I have lacked the courage to want to encourage others to listen to what Jesus has for them so that they too may share in something that has improved my life tenfold. I hope that this year I grow in my relationship with God. I have, in recent years, taken him off of my spiritual speed-dial. He is not the first person I turn to when I am happy, when I am sad or in need. He should be. I should glorify him in all that I do and I really believe that this year is going to help me do that in preparation for further ministry.
Your prayers would be appreciated.
There were many people there last night. However, it will soon reduce in number as the students head off to various years of university life. Some of them for the first time. The vision is that there will be a sort of buddy system where those of us that will be regular in attendance will feed information on to those at uni. This will keep them very much in the loop and part of the fellowship.
Last night we examined 1 John Chapter 1. What I was struck by in this chapter was that it was based on experience. This was a letter from John, a man who had actually walked side by side with Jesus, spoken to him face to face and shared bread with him, saying that he would not be complete in his joy until he had shared it with others. Were three says "What we have seen and heard we announce to you too, so that you may have fellowship with us and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ"
An amazing verse. John who experienced Christ first hand, on a personal level, wants to share that experience with us so that we too may be part of the fellowship. Not just an addition, not just a number to add to the people who believe but an equal partner in the fellowship. Not only that but the fellowship is also between God and Jesus. We are allowed, through the word, to join with the intimate and unending relationship of Father and Son. One of unconditional love and infinate wisdom.
The rest of the chapter has a focus on Jesus as the light of the world. With him there is NO darkness and if we too want to announce that we walk in the light then we actually have to do it. There is no chance to hide in the shadows and be in darkness in our hearts and minds and simply pay lip service. Doing so is a lie and it was really interesting to read that the end of the chapter stated "If we say we have not sinned we make him (God) a liar and his word is not in us"
Not only is it deceptive to ourselves to think we are blameless and sinless but to announce it is to suggest that God is wrong when he says we are sinful. Jesus made it very clear that all have sinned and only in the acknowledgement of that and choosing to walk in the light of Jesus, joining in with that fellowship shared by God and Jesus, do we become purified by his sacrifice.
Amazing evening and one that spoke to me on a very personal level. For a long time I have felt that I am simply paying lip service to my faith. I have been scared to stand out from the crowd as a Christian and I have lacked the courage to want to encourage others to listen to what Jesus has for them so that they too may share in something that has improved my life tenfold. I hope that this year I grow in my relationship with God. I have, in recent years, taken him off of my spiritual speed-dial. He is not the first person I turn to when I am happy, when I am sad or in need. He should be. I should glorify him in all that I do and I really believe that this year is going to help me do that in preparation for further ministry.
Your prayers would be appreciated.
Saturday 18 September 2010
3D - First Thoughts
Last night was the first 3D event of the term. 3D is based at St Andrew's church in Chorleywood and is a combined meeting of the young people from St Andrew's and from Christchurch lead by Bob (our youth minister) and Con (St Andrew's Youth minister)
The day yesterday started with a lunch at Bob's house so that we could meet Con and his team of interns. They also have three people working with them on the youth side (St Andrew's also have three interns for the children's ministry - so six of them do the same job that Jon, Fiona and myself do - but St Andrew's is much bigger!)They have a great team working with them. Ally from Scotland, Becky from Doncaster and Gemma who is from Bournemouth and doing her second year of internship with St Andrew's. There was a good atmosphere which I think was helped by the fact that Con and Bob grew up together and have been close friends since then. When your leaders have clearly bonded so well it filters through. Also, everyone is friendly and sociable which helps!
So, the main event. Fiona, Jon and I were a little late arriving. Not because we are tardy or disorganitsed but simply because we have to come straight from the children's group FFF at Arnett Hills School - so by the time we have packed up and driven across to 3D we miss the first 20 minutes or so. This time is used for the young people to socialise and generally get to know each other. There is a tuck shop, places to chat, Nintentdo Wii and Playstation. The interns and leaders mingle and filter through generally helping to welcome people.
The evening started with a game of getting to know the new interns from both churches. We were made to lay down on rolls of wall paper and were drawn around by the youth. They then had to use our outlines to create a wrestling persona for us. The group of girls that decorated me gave me gangstar pants and lot's of bling. After much chuckling and banter we started a worship session. Gemma was on guitar with a young chap (don't know his name) on a single drum. There is something about stripped back simple worship that I still find very appealing.
We also watched part of a talk called Hope by an American Pastor called Louie Giglio (although I may have spelled his name incorrectly) - there was a point in my life where I didn't like Mr Giglio. In the late 90s he was the most quoted person at all Christian events, it seemed that you could not believe without approval from Louie Giglio or if you had not heard him personally. My thoughts were unfounded and I guess I just resented the fact that there are lots of fantastic speakers who seemingly were not getting a look in. However, his talk last night on hope when we have reached rock bottom and how easy it is to blame God for the troubles in our lives was really good and rather inspirational. Just looking around the room you could see how well the youth were listening and connecting with it. Some of them I knew were in that rock bottom place, others I have not met yet and don't know where they stand, but there was definate connection with the words in that room.
Con stood up after and prayed. He also said that if anyone wanted to be prayed for to hold their hands out to signal to the leaders in the room that they wanted prayer. We then had to move around and pray for them, for whatever was on their minds and on their hearts. I come from quite a conservative traditional church originally and although I have had hands layed on me and prayers spoken over me and I have, in turn, prayed with other people and for other people, I had never actually been one to administer prayer in that sense. It was a Baptism of fire (no pun intended) and I just really had to rely on God to give me the right words to say so that those I prayed for felt that their request had been met.
It was a really good experience. There was definately some high emotion flying around and I don't know who has been affected in what way but the leaders all prayed later when the youth had departed that whatever had started there that evening could continue through the term, year and years to come.
Just wanted to share a little insight into what happens at 3D - Declare, Demonstrate and Deliver - attempting to promote church in a way that young people find easy to access.
God Bless
Sam
The day yesterday started with a lunch at Bob's house so that we could meet Con and his team of interns. They also have three people working with them on the youth side (St Andrew's also have three interns for the children's ministry - so six of them do the same job that Jon, Fiona and myself do - but St Andrew's is much bigger!)They have a great team working with them. Ally from Scotland, Becky from Doncaster and Gemma who is from Bournemouth and doing her second year of internship with St Andrew's. There was a good atmosphere which I think was helped by the fact that Con and Bob grew up together and have been close friends since then. When your leaders have clearly bonded so well it filters through. Also, everyone is friendly and sociable which helps!
So, the main event. Fiona, Jon and I were a little late arriving. Not because we are tardy or disorganitsed but simply because we have to come straight from the children's group FFF at Arnett Hills School - so by the time we have packed up and driven across to 3D we miss the first 20 minutes or so. This time is used for the young people to socialise and generally get to know each other. There is a tuck shop, places to chat, Nintentdo Wii and Playstation. The interns and leaders mingle and filter through generally helping to welcome people.
The evening started with a game of getting to know the new interns from both churches. We were made to lay down on rolls of wall paper and were drawn around by the youth. They then had to use our outlines to create a wrestling persona for us. The group of girls that decorated me gave me gangstar pants and lot's of bling. After much chuckling and banter we started a worship session. Gemma was on guitar with a young chap (don't know his name) on a single drum. There is something about stripped back simple worship that I still find very appealing.
We also watched part of a talk called Hope by an American Pastor called Louie Giglio (although I may have spelled his name incorrectly) - there was a point in my life where I didn't like Mr Giglio. In the late 90s he was the most quoted person at all Christian events, it seemed that you could not believe without approval from Louie Giglio or if you had not heard him personally. My thoughts were unfounded and I guess I just resented the fact that there are lots of fantastic speakers who seemingly were not getting a look in. However, his talk last night on hope when we have reached rock bottom and how easy it is to blame God for the troubles in our lives was really good and rather inspirational. Just looking around the room you could see how well the youth were listening and connecting with it. Some of them I knew were in that rock bottom place, others I have not met yet and don't know where they stand, but there was definate connection with the words in that room.
Con stood up after and prayed. He also said that if anyone wanted to be prayed for to hold their hands out to signal to the leaders in the room that they wanted prayer. We then had to move around and pray for them, for whatever was on their minds and on their hearts. I come from quite a conservative traditional church originally and although I have had hands layed on me and prayers spoken over me and I have, in turn, prayed with other people and for other people, I had never actually been one to administer prayer in that sense. It was a Baptism of fire (no pun intended) and I just really had to rely on God to give me the right words to say so that those I prayed for felt that their request had been met.
It was a really good experience. There was definately some high emotion flying around and I don't know who has been affected in what way but the leaders all prayed later when the youth had departed that whatever had started there that evening could continue through the term, year and years to come.
Just wanted to share a little insight into what happens at 3D - Declare, Demonstrate and Deliver - attempting to promote church in a way that young people find easy to access.
God Bless
Sam
Tuesday 14 September 2010
Christchurch - Week One
Well, my first week at Christchurch has come to a close and we have begun the real work of getting to know the young people and trying to engage with them in a church setting that is not intimidating, boring or extreme. It is really great here. The team of people here are fantastic. Bob - the youth minister - is really switched on and really on fire for the work that happens in this area. Cheryl - the childrens minister - is fantastic at engaging with the really little ones and does so in a manner that is not patronising. Gavin - the vicar - is a funny guy and clearly follows his vocation closely and leads the church remarkably well. The rest of the team, in the office, pastoral care, church wardens etc are all really singing from the same hymn sheet (no pun intended)
I am exceptionally lucky to be sharing a house with Fiona and Jon, two great people who are making the whole process of settling in much easier. We are getting along well and share many things such as sense of humour and a desire to see the house kept in a clean state and acceptable to live in.
So far most of the work has been getting to know the routine, meeting people, prayer meetings and team building. Tonight we are running "Going Deeper" - which is one of the youth events for the key stage three group and unfortunately Bob is not well this evening so it's interns on their own! Nothing like being thrown in at the deep end. We have planned the games and such and it is quite fortunate that it is a social and we are not being responsible for leading and Bible study in our first encounter with this group.
The motto of the whole youth is "We exist to reach our family and friends who don't know Jesus, to show them his love and to grow passionate followers of God that seek to worship him with their whole lives" - which is really encouraging. What was amazing about it was that when it was first written it only mentioned friends and the young people themselves requested the inclusion of the word 'family' which shows that they are thinking about it and wanting their families to share the same experience that they do.
I am off now to prepare the quiz and meet and greet style game for this evening and generally get myself ready before we wander churchward to lead the meeting. I shall report back on how it went and the first encounter with the 10-14 year olds of 'Going Deeper'
God Bless
I am exceptionally lucky to be sharing a house with Fiona and Jon, two great people who are making the whole process of settling in much easier. We are getting along well and share many things such as sense of humour and a desire to see the house kept in a clean state and acceptable to live in.
So far most of the work has been getting to know the routine, meeting people, prayer meetings and team building. Tonight we are running "Going Deeper" - which is one of the youth events for the key stage three group and unfortunately Bob is not well this evening so it's interns on their own! Nothing like being thrown in at the deep end. We have planned the games and such and it is quite fortunate that it is a social and we are not being responsible for leading and Bible study in our first encounter with this group.
The motto of the whole youth is "We exist to reach our family and friends who don't know Jesus, to show them his love and to grow passionate followers of God that seek to worship him with their whole lives" - which is really encouraging. What was amazing about it was that when it was first written it only mentioned friends and the young people themselves requested the inclusion of the word 'family' which shows that they are thinking about it and wanting their families to share the same experience that they do.
I am off now to prepare the quiz and meet and greet style game for this evening and generally get myself ready before we wander churchward to lead the meeting. I shall report back on how it went and the first encounter with the 10-14 year olds of 'Going Deeper'
God Bless
Monday 6 September 2010
My Cup Runneth Over
My good friend Steve says this when he is feeling blessed by all the events and scenarios in his life seem to be pointing in the correct direction. At this particular moment I am feeling very much the same. I am feeling totally blessed and honoured to be sitting where I am right at this moment. In my new lounge, of my new home, in Chorleywood.
This is my second night in the house. Since moving in and cleaning (ALOT!) I have attended church twice, been introduced to huge numbers of people (the task of remembering all of their names and positions within the church is one that seems enormous and at this moment unattainable!) - my face actually aches from smiling. I have had a morning prayer meeting, moved some chairs, had a meeting with Bob and Cheryl (My bosses)and have generally spent time getting myself settled in and getting to know my awesome house mates a little better.
We have had some silly chats and some theological ones. We have talked about the nitty gritty of gettinog the house straight and also just randomness about our lives. We have conversed about our journeys, our beliefs, our policitcal leanings, our bad habits, sleeping patterns and Fiona's feet.
In the meeting today with the bosses they outlined all the different clubs and activities we will be involved in when stuff really starts happening (next week as the youth have only returned to school this week) and we are going to have a very varied and interesting time. I am even going to have to get my trainers out and play football! It is strange what path you are guided to by God.
I sat in the prayer meeting this morning and was suddenly struck by the fact that it is now my job to attend church. That in itself is good training for my future progression down the path to ordination. It won't just be something that I do for God and for my own spiritual development but because it is my job. This year I have to be an example to the young people. To show them God working in my life so that he may work in theirs also. That is a little daunting, knowing that without realising it I could influence the Christian life of another in either a positive or negative way. The old words of "with great power comes great responsibility" seem to echo in my mind.
I am really, really excited about the coming year. The staff here are amazing and so on track with what God wants them to be doing in this place. I have never been involved in a church before that is so intent on listening to God and putting everyting into his hands through prayer. I think sometimes churches get bogged down in their own daily grind and politics and forget what is important and why they are there in the first place. I certainly don't get that feeling from Christchurch. This place really has an apt name as everything is put to Jesus and it is without a doubt his church.
During this year I am also going to be enrolled in a leadership programme in Watford through the London Bible College and I will have lectures and seminars to attend with Fiona and Jon on a Wednesday morning. Again this is going to be perfect training to get me into the study of theology mindset that I will need should I progress to vicar factory.
So, as you can probably tell I am very pleased that God has seen fit to place me here with a great team, lovely house, fantastic housemates and oppertunity in abundence to prepare myself for future church dealings.
God Bless
Sam
This is my second night in the house. Since moving in and cleaning (ALOT!) I have attended church twice, been introduced to huge numbers of people (the task of remembering all of their names and positions within the church is one that seems enormous and at this moment unattainable!) - my face actually aches from smiling. I have had a morning prayer meeting, moved some chairs, had a meeting with Bob and Cheryl (My bosses)and have generally spent time getting myself settled in and getting to know my awesome house mates a little better.
We have had some silly chats and some theological ones. We have talked about the nitty gritty of gettinog the house straight and also just randomness about our lives. We have conversed about our journeys, our beliefs, our policitcal leanings, our bad habits, sleeping patterns and Fiona's feet.
In the meeting today with the bosses they outlined all the different clubs and activities we will be involved in when stuff really starts happening (next week as the youth have only returned to school this week) and we are going to have a very varied and interesting time. I am even going to have to get my trainers out and play football! It is strange what path you are guided to by God.
I sat in the prayer meeting this morning and was suddenly struck by the fact that it is now my job to attend church. That in itself is good training for my future progression down the path to ordination. It won't just be something that I do for God and for my own spiritual development but because it is my job. This year I have to be an example to the young people. To show them God working in my life so that he may work in theirs also. That is a little daunting, knowing that without realising it I could influence the Christian life of another in either a positive or negative way. The old words of "with great power comes great responsibility" seem to echo in my mind.
I am really, really excited about the coming year. The staff here are amazing and so on track with what God wants them to be doing in this place. I have never been involved in a church before that is so intent on listening to God and putting everyting into his hands through prayer. I think sometimes churches get bogged down in their own daily grind and politics and forget what is important and why they are there in the first place. I certainly don't get that feeling from Christchurch. This place really has an apt name as everything is put to Jesus and it is without a doubt his church.
During this year I am also going to be enrolled in a leadership programme in Watford through the London Bible College and I will have lectures and seminars to attend with Fiona and Jon on a Wednesday morning. Again this is going to be perfect training to get me into the study of theology mindset that I will need should I progress to vicar factory.
So, as you can probably tell I am very pleased that God has seen fit to place me here with a great team, lovely house, fantastic housemates and oppertunity in abundence to prepare myself for future church dealings.
God Bless
Sam
Saturday 4 September 2010
Making a home
Another blog update so soon after my last - however I wanted to get this written down.
Yesterday I arrived at Little Croft (my new house) at 9am. The plan was to spend the time unpacking and such, getting myself ready to move in on Sunday morning officially. (After my last show and my performance with LLTC - I am going to miss working with that group!)
Laura arrived to help me, which I really appreciated because I had no idea how big the job was going to be. Before tha arrival of Laura, Fiona and I used the morning to put numerous duplicate items into the storage space of the loft. Several headboards, many tables, bags and boxes all moved to make more space to live in.
A little bit of painting needed to be finished in my room so that was done early in the day so that it would dry. My clothes were put away into the drawers and cupboards of my room.
Then we tackled the kitchen. We washed everything. All the cups and glasses, knives, forks, sideboards, inside the cupboards, outside the cupboards. Dusted everything, hoovered upstairs and down, stashed more duplicate items out of the way. By the end of the day it started to feel new - appropriate for a new start.
Jon arrived at 3:30pm (or there abouts) driven by his parents and bringing his possessions with him. There was a very nomadic feel about yesterday, Jon's life in boxes, Fiona packing up her studio and my arrival with cases of clothes. For a brief time (about half an hour) we were all in the house together. It was strange but suddenly it felt more homely. I didn't really understand this as essentially we are all strangers but there was something very relaxing about the others being there and the house taking shape.
Sunday is my first official day as a resident of Chorleywood. A dweller of Hertfordshire and a staff member of Christchurch. After the deep clean yesterday I am feeling refreshed and ready.
God Bless
Sam
Yesterday I arrived at Little Croft (my new house) at 9am. The plan was to spend the time unpacking and such, getting myself ready to move in on Sunday morning officially. (After my last show and my performance with LLTC - I am going to miss working with that group!)
Laura arrived to help me, which I really appreciated because I had no idea how big the job was going to be. Before tha arrival of Laura, Fiona and I used the morning to put numerous duplicate items into the storage space of the loft. Several headboards, many tables, bags and boxes all moved to make more space to live in.
A little bit of painting needed to be finished in my room so that was done early in the day so that it would dry. My clothes were put away into the drawers and cupboards of my room.
Then we tackled the kitchen. We washed everything. All the cups and glasses, knives, forks, sideboards, inside the cupboards, outside the cupboards. Dusted everything, hoovered upstairs and down, stashed more duplicate items out of the way. By the end of the day it started to feel new - appropriate for a new start.
Jon arrived at 3:30pm (or there abouts) driven by his parents and bringing his possessions with him. There was a very nomadic feel about yesterday, Jon's life in boxes, Fiona packing up her studio and my arrival with cases of clothes. For a brief time (about half an hour) we were all in the house together. It was strange but suddenly it felt more homely. I didn't really understand this as essentially we are all strangers but there was something very relaxing about the others being there and the house taking shape.
Sunday is my first official day as a resident of Chorleywood. A dweller of Hertfordshire and a staff member of Christchurch. After the deep clean yesterday I am feeling refreshed and ready.
God Bless
Sam
Thursday 2 September 2010
Sentimental Farewells
Hi all. The following blog, I warn you, is sentimental. I am a few days away from my new start in Chorleywood (when this blog really begins, I suppose) and I wanted to post my goodbye to Granborough Church on here. The following is the post that I submitted to the editor of the Pew News which goes around once a month. While it is directed toward members of the Granborough Church Community (A few of whom may stumble across this blog from time to time) it is also relevant to others who read this blog, such as my very good friend Steve as well as my family.
So, here goes. See you on the otherside!
So, here goes. See you on the otherside!
Farewell (for now)
Hi everyone, as some of you will be aware I am off to Chorleywood to work as an intern at Christchurch on the Common for a year. While there I will be assisting the youth and children’s work team in running their numerous clubs and activities as well as assisting in daily church life. It is all part of the early steps on the ladder to becoming a vicar as the Diocesan Director of Ordination wanted me to get a wider experience of church life (i.e. somewhere not as rural as Granborough – with different challenges etc) before putting me forward to selection.
As I write this note I am sitting in a half packed up room as I will be moving into my new house as of the 5th September. I have lived in Granborough all of my life (25 years this November) and I have never left home – having never attended university. This little church has been the backbone of my spiritual life since I was 7 years old and I am going to miss it. I have made so many friends in Granborough, I have watched people come and go, vicars change and the church has continued to grow. So many people within the church and the community have been an influence on my life both spiritually and personally, I have grown my business from the community and been given the confidence and encouragement to achieve my goals. I have worked my way through Sunday School and Crusaders, been a member of the Beavers, Cubs and Scouts as well as leading some of those groups too.
I just wanted to drop a little message into the Pew News to say Thank You to you all for your kindness, your love and your ongoing support. Granborough truly is a church that displays the love and acceptance of the family of God to a better extent than I have ever experienced elsewhere. It really is one of the warmest church anywhere (and not just because of the amazing roaring heaters) – I will do my best to pop in when I can over the next year or so but until then you will remain in my thoughts and my prayers.
Granborough, God Bless, I will miss you.
With Love
Sam Cross
Monday 23 August 2010
Moving Day Approaches
I have not blogged for a while but I wanted to put up something to keep a fairly decent level of consistent posting. I think my main reason for an absence of content is simply that this blog is designed to follow my time over the next few years and even though I am very close to starting in Chorleywood I am still currently stuck in a state of limbo between ending my current career and starting my response to calling.
It is strange. Over the last couple of weeks I have stopped considering my work with the church as a job. I have started to use phrases like "response to calling" (above) and "vocation" instead of "job" or "career". I don't know whether this is a subconscious way of mentally preparing myself for the road ahead. Maybe it is a defence mechanism, I am in no way definitely going to be a Vicar. I am still in the selection process and despite the DDO thinking I am a good candidate I still need to be validated by the Bishop and the Selection Panel. It could finish even before it has started. This scares me.
I have set my mind to following my calling. Or, more likely, what I believe my calling to be. I have had it reconfirmed by other Christians and I have had a lot of positive support on the journey so far. However, what am I going to do if I have made a mistake and I am not supposed to be a Vicar? Will my faith stand up to that? Will my mind be able to take a mental battering after believing that this is my ultimate path for such a long time (I had my initial call at 12, so for over half of my life I have thought this was my place) I would be lying if I did not say I was concerned. What if the Bishop or the Selection Panel don't believe my calling is for ordained ministry? I would have to start the whole process again on a different route or come back years later and try again.
In the mean time I would be stuck in a strange limbo of doing a normal job (maybe my old business, maybe something else) and waiting for God to speak and then, when he did, questioning my own ability to interpret his words having got it so wrong before. All I can do at this time is pray. Remind myself that my life is in the hands of someone infinitely more experienced and wise than I could ever be. Someone who knows and sees all and loves me without condition and wants only what is best for me. That is a comfort but I am human and it is not always easy to smooth away those very human fears.
So, please spare a prayer for me as I load the green boxes of books, CDs and DVDs into my car tomorrow and travel to my new little house for the coming year. Please pray that God guides me and that I have time to listen and to respond to his will. Please pray for me energy levels and enthusiasm when dealing with the young people of the church, that they may come to know God in a way that is best suited to them.
It is strange. Over the last couple of weeks I have stopped considering my work with the church as a job. I have started to use phrases like "response to calling" (above) and "vocation" instead of "job" or "career". I don't know whether this is a subconscious way of mentally preparing myself for the road ahead. Maybe it is a defence mechanism, I am in no way definitely going to be a Vicar. I am still in the selection process and despite the DDO thinking I am a good candidate I still need to be validated by the Bishop and the Selection Panel. It could finish even before it has started. This scares me.
I have set my mind to following my calling. Or, more likely, what I believe my calling to be. I have had it reconfirmed by other Christians and I have had a lot of positive support on the journey so far. However, what am I going to do if I have made a mistake and I am not supposed to be a Vicar? Will my faith stand up to that? Will my mind be able to take a mental battering after believing that this is my ultimate path for such a long time (I had my initial call at 12, so for over half of my life I have thought this was my place) I would be lying if I did not say I was concerned. What if the Bishop or the Selection Panel don't believe my calling is for ordained ministry? I would have to start the whole process again on a different route or come back years later and try again.
In the mean time I would be stuck in a strange limbo of doing a normal job (maybe my old business, maybe something else) and waiting for God to speak and then, when he did, questioning my own ability to interpret his words having got it so wrong before. All I can do at this time is pray. Remind myself that my life is in the hands of someone infinitely more experienced and wise than I could ever be. Someone who knows and sees all and loves me without condition and wants only what is best for me. That is a comfort but I am human and it is not always easy to smooth away those very human fears.
So, please spare a prayer for me as I load the green boxes of books, CDs and DVDs into my car tomorrow and travel to my new little house for the coming year. Please pray that God guides me and that I have time to listen and to respond to his will. Please pray for me energy levels and enthusiasm when dealing with the young people of the church, that they may come to know God in a way that is best suited to them.
Sunday 8 August 2010
The Calling
I had a sudden thought this evening. Julian, a friend of mine from the magic industry sent me a message and asked me why I was having a sudden and radical change in career - I also attended Christ Church this evening where the book of Jeremiah is being studied and reference was made to Jeremiah 29 V11 which reads "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and so it seemed quite apt that I actually posted a blog explaining my original calling and where I am currently in my spiritual journey.
It has been a very rocky road and not one that I would have chosen to tread had I the choice (however, that aside I am very pleased for the way my life has panned out so far and I have learned so much on the way that I doubt I would change it given my time over).
I had my initial calling to be in the church at the age of 12. I was playing a game in the playground at school and I suddenly stopped running as I was being chased. I froze on the spot. What happened I cannot really describe in great detail because I simply do not know. My next memory is of the hand of my friend John meeting my shoulder blades with a great smack as he shouted "TAG" before running off. It was a surreal moment and the feelings that had washed over me had revealed in quite plain thought that I was going to be a Vicar. Not a typical career choice for a 12 year old boy - most would probably opt for fireman, train driver or astronaut.
Everything seemed set, I was involved in the church as an alter server, Rev Andy got me started on leading parts of the service and I was getting a first hand insight into the work of a Vicar. As the years passed I got to the stage in my education where I was picking GCSEs and I made sure that Religious Studies was my chosen humanity subject. But it was here that my first deviation from the path began. Until this point I had never really questioned anything, I had become a Christian at about the age of nine, attended church and my local Christian youth group and generally been immersed in the Christian culture. I had never been given the challenge of looking at it objectively and working out how others may perceive it. During my lessons in RS I began to find questions which (at the time) had no answers and I found myself becoming frustrated and angry by the religion that had shaped my early childhood.
Church felt different too. I no longer felt that I was connected to the words that I was saying. Having learned them over the weeks and months for my role as Alter Server I had reached a point where I could reciet them without looking at the sheet and thus my brain could wander. Midway through one communion service I caught myself planning the rest of the week, what I was doing for school and work and such and not actually thinking about God or the words that I was speaking. It was at this point I first thought that maybe the Church of England could not accommodate me at that stage in my spiritual development. I tried different denominations, I wanted to see how they differed and if I felt a better sense of belonging in any of them. I drew a blank. I felt the same emptiness in each place and amongst each group of Christians. Then the situation became apparent. My faith was gone. It was not the denominations that left me cold it was the thought of God.
Atheism did not suit me. Perhaps there is something within me that requires I explore my spirituality but I needed to find some meaning in the universe. By this point I was about 17 and was choosing options for A-Level. I stuck with Religious Studies hoping that the philosophy and ethics section of the course would sufficiently challenge me and give me some meaning. It was then that I discovered the Buddhist belief system. Immediately I liked it, there was no God but there was a purpose to life. They were good people, honest and hard working and seemed to have achieved a state of relative peace in a world of chaos. I liked the solitude and the meditation and I was happy to discover more about myself as part of that religion for about a year.
I attended Spring Harvest that year, not because I felt that I should give Christianity one more go but simply because I had already paid for it before my loss of faith and also, all my friends went and it was a good excuse to see them and socialise. During one of the evening meetings I prayed. I don't really know what I expected to happen - to my mind I was dead to Jesus, I had walked away, joined another religion and actively discouraged people from believing based on my own narrow experiences. (It is not easy to write this and look back at the way I was - I am surprised the friends I met then have put up with me this long to be honest!) I remember the words I used very clearly. "Lord, if you are there then I need to know. I cannot pretend to be something I am not. This is it, I need proof or I have to walk away" and so it was done. I had set a challenge before God. Asked him to reveal himself in a way I could not deny or my days as a Christian were firmly behind me.
One of our group had been over-whelmed by the meeting and the calling of the Holy Spirit. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her fall and I attempted to move to catch her. It was fortunate that there were people within the crowd that were briefed to catch fallers as I suddenly realised my legs were unable to move. To those who may come across this blog and have no faith, it may seem like an alien concept, one bore out of desire or simply being part of the crowd and getting caught up in the emotion of the situation. But I would reply that at this point in my life I was not a Christian, I had been but I had fallen out of faith big time. I didn't even want to be a Christian if I am totally honest. God stepped in, answered my prayer and literally stopped me from walking away. A physical representation of the words I had spoken. To me, it was undeniable proof. One of the evening meeting leaders came and prayed, his words washed over me in a language I, he and my friends around me did not understand. The two words I heard in the garbled message was God and Amen. As the latter was spoken my legs were freed and once more I was walking and walking in Christian faith. I re-dedicated myself to Jesus that evening.
At home my life did not simply slip back into the habits of old. I was still very wary of the church. This had been the place where my faith was diminished and I was protective over my new found faith. I did not want it to be tainted by church politics and dogma. From that time onward I attended rarely. I got my church input from debates and discussions with fellow Christians, other religions and their practitioners and non-believers. I met with my friends, I had a very laid back approach to Church. I constantly and confidentially stated that I had Faith and not Religion. But it is impossible to separate the two for long and I found myself, with a stronger renewed faith, ready to face the challenges of church congregations again. I returned on a semi-regular basis.
Then my recalling to be a vicar returned a year or so ago. A strange evening where I had been discussing my journey with a friend, someone who struggled with his own faith - not because of questions that could not be answered like I found but because of his sexuality. He had questioned how he fitted into the church, just like I had, but for very different reasons. The day followed left me with nostalgia and the thought that being a vicar is something I should once again peruse. I did not do anything immediately, I simply believed that talking about it had evoked memories and it was obvious I was going to feel that way.
Days passed into weeks and still I had not acted. In the quiet moments of my day, the brief period before I passed into sleep, the groggy moment in the morning as my eyes adjusted to the day, the times in my car I sat without music playing, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. A little cough to get my attention and nudge me in the right direction. I prayed A LOT. I had already started down this road once before and it had not ended well. I reached a point that I needed to get reaffirmation from others. I needed to know if God was telling them the same thing. The response was unanimous. Others had been told I was supposed to be going down this route and everything seemed to fall into place. I remember telling my old youth leader that I was thinking about following my calling and she replied "I know" (At this point I had told no one)
So it was done. I told my Vicar, he put my name forward, I went to see my Ordination Officer and she put my name forward to the next level. The Diocesan Director of Ordination contacted me and we arranged to meet. I have met Rev Windley several times now, she recommended that before I head toward selection with the Bishop and the Selection Panel that I should leave my little rural parish and see Anglicanism at work in the towns. That is why I applied for my internship at Chorleywood and where I currently am on my journey.
There is more to come. Praying for continued strength during the potentially difficult times ahead.
It has been a very rocky road and not one that I would have chosen to tread had I the choice (however, that aside I am very pleased for the way my life has panned out so far and I have learned so much on the way that I doubt I would change it given my time over).
I had my initial calling to be in the church at the age of 12. I was playing a game in the playground at school and I suddenly stopped running as I was being chased. I froze on the spot. What happened I cannot really describe in great detail because I simply do not know. My next memory is of the hand of my friend John meeting my shoulder blades with a great smack as he shouted "TAG" before running off. It was a surreal moment and the feelings that had washed over me had revealed in quite plain thought that I was going to be a Vicar. Not a typical career choice for a 12 year old boy - most would probably opt for fireman, train driver or astronaut.
Everything seemed set, I was involved in the church as an alter server, Rev Andy got me started on leading parts of the service and I was getting a first hand insight into the work of a Vicar. As the years passed I got to the stage in my education where I was picking GCSEs and I made sure that Religious Studies was my chosen humanity subject. But it was here that my first deviation from the path began. Until this point I had never really questioned anything, I had become a Christian at about the age of nine, attended church and my local Christian youth group and generally been immersed in the Christian culture. I had never been given the challenge of looking at it objectively and working out how others may perceive it. During my lessons in RS I began to find questions which (at the time) had no answers and I found myself becoming frustrated and angry by the religion that had shaped my early childhood.
Church felt different too. I no longer felt that I was connected to the words that I was saying. Having learned them over the weeks and months for my role as Alter Server I had reached a point where I could reciet them without looking at the sheet and thus my brain could wander. Midway through one communion service I caught myself planning the rest of the week, what I was doing for school and work and such and not actually thinking about God or the words that I was speaking. It was at this point I first thought that maybe the Church of England could not accommodate me at that stage in my spiritual development. I tried different denominations, I wanted to see how they differed and if I felt a better sense of belonging in any of them. I drew a blank. I felt the same emptiness in each place and amongst each group of Christians. Then the situation became apparent. My faith was gone. It was not the denominations that left me cold it was the thought of God.
Atheism did not suit me. Perhaps there is something within me that requires I explore my spirituality but I needed to find some meaning in the universe. By this point I was about 17 and was choosing options for A-Level. I stuck with Religious Studies hoping that the philosophy and ethics section of the course would sufficiently challenge me and give me some meaning. It was then that I discovered the Buddhist belief system. Immediately I liked it, there was no God but there was a purpose to life. They were good people, honest and hard working and seemed to have achieved a state of relative peace in a world of chaos. I liked the solitude and the meditation and I was happy to discover more about myself as part of that religion for about a year.
I attended Spring Harvest that year, not because I felt that I should give Christianity one more go but simply because I had already paid for it before my loss of faith and also, all my friends went and it was a good excuse to see them and socialise. During one of the evening meetings I prayed. I don't really know what I expected to happen - to my mind I was dead to Jesus, I had walked away, joined another religion and actively discouraged people from believing based on my own narrow experiences. (It is not easy to write this and look back at the way I was - I am surprised the friends I met then have put up with me this long to be honest!) I remember the words I used very clearly. "Lord, if you are there then I need to know. I cannot pretend to be something I am not. This is it, I need proof or I have to walk away" and so it was done. I had set a challenge before God. Asked him to reveal himself in a way I could not deny or my days as a Christian were firmly behind me.
One of our group had been over-whelmed by the meeting and the calling of the Holy Spirit. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her fall and I attempted to move to catch her. It was fortunate that there were people within the crowd that were briefed to catch fallers as I suddenly realised my legs were unable to move. To those who may come across this blog and have no faith, it may seem like an alien concept, one bore out of desire or simply being part of the crowd and getting caught up in the emotion of the situation. But I would reply that at this point in my life I was not a Christian, I had been but I had fallen out of faith big time. I didn't even want to be a Christian if I am totally honest. God stepped in, answered my prayer and literally stopped me from walking away. A physical representation of the words I had spoken. To me, it was undeniable proof. One of the evening meeting leaders came and prayed, his words washed over me in a language I, he and my friends around me did not understand. The two words I heard in the garbled message was God and Amen. As the latter was spoken my legs were freed and once more I was walking and walking in Christian faith. I re-dedicated myself to Jesus that evening.
At home my life did not simply slip back into the habits of old. I was still very wary of the church. This had been the place where my faith was diminished and I was protective over my new found faith. I did not want it to be tainted by church politics and dogma. From that time onward I attended rarely. I got my church input from debates and discussions with fellow Christians, other religions and their practitioners and non-believers. I met with my friends, I had a very laid back approach to Church. I constantly and confidentially stated that I had Faith and not Religion. But it is impossible to separate the two for long and I found myself, with a stronger renewed faith, ready to face the challenges of church congregations again. I returned on a semi-regular basis.
Then my recalling to be a vicar returned a year or so ago. A strange evening where I had been discussing my journey with a friend, someone who struggled with his own faith - not because of questions that could not be answered like I found but because of his sexuality. He had questioned how he fitted into the church, just like I had, but for very different reasons. The day followed left me with nostalgia and the thought that being a vicar is something I should once again peruse. I did not do anything immediately, I simply believed that talking about it had evoked memories and it was obvious I was going to feel that way.
Days passed into weeks and still I had not acted. In the quiet moments of my day, the brief period before I passed into sleep, the groggy moment in the morning as my eyes adjusted to the day, the times in my car I sat without music playing, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. A little cough to get my attention and nudge me in the right direction. I prayed A LOT. I had already started down this road once before and it had not ended well. I reached a point that I needed to get reaffirmation from others. I needed to know if God was telling them the same thing. The response was unanimous. Others had been told I was supposed to be going down this route and everything seemed to fall into place. I remember telling my old youth leader that I was thinking about following my calling and she replied "I know" (At this point I had told no one)
So it was done. I told my Vicar, he put my name forward, I went to see my Ordination Officer and she put my name forward to the next level. The Diocesan Director of Ordination contacted me and we arranged to meet. I have met Rev Windley several times now, she recommended that before I head toward selection with the Bishop and the Selection Panel that I should leave my little rural parish and see Anglicanism at work in the towns. That is why I applied for my internship at Chorleywood and where I currently am on my journey.
There is more to come. Praying for continued strength during the potentially difficult times ahead.
Monday 2 August 2010
Creative for Christ
Last night I attended church in Chorleywood - mainly because I wanted to show Laura around so she could see where I would be living and worshipping for the next year. It is very much the holiday time at the church - the Vicar is away and most of the youth have been taken off on their annual trip (New Wine this year) with some of the other youth leaders etc. I was told to expect a much smaller turn out than the last time I was there. (However, their small turn out was still three times the size of the congregation in Granborough - such is the difference of a Urban and Rurual church)
All is in place now to start the internship in September. The current gappers are busy packing up the house ready for us to take over and the full team of three has now been selected. I am being joined by another chap and a young lady. Jon and Fiona. Together, already, I can feel that we are going to be a great team.
Jon is a musician, his speciality is Jazz music and he studied at Trinity Music College (I think!) before doing a year at the London Bible College. Fiona is an artist, with a speciality in sculpture, and has just finished working as an artist in residence at a girls school in the area. Then there is me, a performer with a speciality in magic. Three creative sorts. Fiona said yesterday there had to be a reason why the three of us have been put in place at Chorleywood. God clearly has a plan to use our different and yet linked gifts to promote Christian life to the youth of the area. Hopefully the common ground of our creative backgrounds will help us to bond - it is always great to have something else in common apart from Christ and if we can use those abilities for the good of the Church as a unit and individually then I believe the impact will be positive.
So, August has approached and I am slowly going about my last few contracts as a full time entertainer before I pack myself up and head down the road to Chorleywood for the exciting adventures that await me. I ask you please to pray for fellowship, for faith, for staving off fatigue and also for finances. The next year is going to be tough in all of those areas and a good, strong network of support and prayers would be much appreciated.
There is not much more for me to update at the moment, until September rolls around I am going to be doing the boring admin work related to my taxes and such, I will spare you the details of that.
God Bless
Sam
All is in place now to start the internship in September. The current gappers are busy packing up the house ready for us to take over and the full team of three has now been selected. I am being joined by another chap and a young lady. Jon and Fiona. Together, already, I can feel that we are going to be a great team.
Jon is a musician, his speciality is Jazz music and he studied at Trinity Music College (I think!) before doing a year at the London Bible College. Fiona is an artist, with a speciality in sculpture, and has just finished working as an artist in residence at a girls school in the area. Then there is me, a performer with a speciality in magic. Three creative sorts. Fiona said yesterday there had to be a reason why the three of us have been put in place at Chorleywood. God clearly has a plan to use our different and yet linked gifts to promote Christian life to the youth of the area. Hopefully the common ground of our creative backgrounds will help us to bond - it is always great to have something else in common apart from Christ and if we can use those abilities for the good of the Church as a unit and individually then I believe the impact will be positive.
So, August has approached and I am slowly going about my last few contracts as a full time entertainer before I pack myself up and head down the road to Chorleywood for the exciting adventures that await me. I ask you please to pray for fellowship, for faith, for staving off fatigue and also for finances. The next year is going to be tough in all of those areas and a good, strong network of support and prayers would be much appreciated.
There is not much more for me to update at the moment, until September rolls around I am going to be doing the boring admin work related to my taxes and such, I will spare you the details of that.
God Bless
Sam
Monday 26 July 2010
Water into Wine
Yesterday (25th July 2010) I gave my first talk at Granborough church. It was a strange time, I have stood before those people and performed magic as a child, as a youth and as a professional, I've lead parts of the service and served communion - but I had never spoken before. Not given my thoughts on parts of the Bible, not been responsible for the teaching.
I looked out upon the congregation and I was struck by how many of the people sitting there had been an intergral part of my Christian life. Alison, my church youth leader, her daughters, some of my earliest Christian friends and role models, Andy, the vicar I had announced to 12 years ago that some day I was also going to be a vicar and a man that was now helping me through the selection process to make good on my word. Doing my first talk amongst friends and neighbors was both a comfort but also added pressure. Not to mention the bittersweet reminder that in September 2010 i'll be moving on.
I started with a trick. I thought it would be a good plan to start within my comfort zone and then work out of it. I performed a trick that I did not normally do but the polished professional came through and managed to perform it to an acceptable standard. It was not until I started my 'sermon' that the nerves kicked in. So, what did I say? Here it is:
When I was first asked to speak about the first miracle of Jesus, turning the water into wine, I didn't have a clue where to begin. I re-read the story and naturally started to compare the events in John 2 to the other miracles of Christ.
In the grand scheme of things the water into wine miracle does not seem to be that special. It is certainly not on the same scale as Jesus having control over the elements and calming the storm, or holding dominion over the natural world by walking on water and healing the sick. It did not affect thousands of people like the feeding of the 5000 did and nor did it show power over death like the raising of Lazarus.
But what it does show is that Jesus Christ is the king of transformation. Nothing you can put before him cannot be changed by his command. It gives a hint to what is to come - that at the end of his life he will transform sinners into saints by his death upon the cross. The water used in the miracle did not come from jars intended for drinking but from ceremonial washing jars. Perhaps showing that out of the old laws and ancient practices Jesus was coming in glory and transforming a new kingdom of God. He took something ceremonial and made it into something celebratory.
There is, however, a point within the story that I feel is more important. Simply that is showed the true nature of Christ. Again he was presented with an oppertunity where he could have stood before the Bridal party, the master of ceremoinies, his family and friends and all the guests and made a flamboyant display of his power. Jesus chose not to. He acted quietly and without a fuss, so much so that when the wine was presented to the host of the party he did not even know where it had come from.
But the servants knew. He had decided to show his glory and power to those in the very lowest position - very much in keeping with his birth in a humble stable in Bethlehem in the company of lowly shepherds brought in from the hillsides. Once again Jesus demonstrates he is the servant king, the first come last and the last come first. Building a new kingdom of God from the ground up.
However, I did not believe that we can write off the fact that Jesus assisted in a difficult situation of a family friend, one that could have caused great embarrassment and diminished community standing if word got around that the wine ran out and the guests were not provided for, simply because his mother asked him to help. In doing so he honoured her and gave glory to his heavenly father - giving faith to those that followed him.
I looked out upon the congregation and I was struck by how many of the people sitting there had been an intergral part of my Christian life. Alison, my church youth leader, her daughters, some of my earliest Christian friends and role models, Andy, the vicar I had announced to 12 years ago that some day I was also going to be a vicar and a man that was now helping me through the selection process to make good on my word. Doing my first talk amongst friends and neighbors was both a comfort but also added pressure. Not to mention the bittersweet reminder that in September 2010 i'll be moving on.
I started with a trick. I thought it would be a good plan to start within my comfort zone and then work out of it. I performed a trick that I did not normally do but the polished professional came through and managed to perform it to an acceptable standard. It was not until I started my 'sermon' that the nerves kicked in. So, what did I say? Here it is:
When I was first asked to speak about the first miracle of Jesus, turning the water into wine, I didn't have a clue where to begin. I re-read the story and naturally started to compare the events in John 2 to the other miracles of Christ.
In the grand scheme of things the water into wine miracle does not seem to be that special. It is certainly not on the same scale as Jesus having control over the elements and calming the storm, or holding dominion over the natural world by walking on water and healing the sick. It did not affect thousands of people like the feeding of the 5000 did and nor did it show power over death like the raising of Lazarus.
But what it does show is that Jesus Christ is the king of transformation. Nothing you can put before him cannot be changed by his command. It gives a hint to what is to come - that at the end of his life he will transform sinners into saints by his death upon the cross. The water used in the miracle did not come from jars intended for drinking but from ceremonial washing jars. Perhaps showing that out of the old laws and ancient practices Jesus was coming in glory and transforming a new kingdom of God. He took something ceremonial and made it into something celebratory.
There is, however, a point within the story that I feel is more important. Simply that is showed the true nature of Christ. Again he was presented with an oppertunity where he could have stood before the Bridal party, the master of ceremoinies, his family and friends and all the guests and made a flamboyant display of his power. Jesus chose not to. He acted quietly and without a fuss, so much so that when the wine was presented to the host of the party he did not even know where it had come from.
But the servants knew. He had decided to show his glory and power to those in the very lowest position - very much in keeping with his birth in a humble stable in Bethlehem in the company of lowly shepherds brought in from the hillsides. Once again Jesus demonstrates he is the servant king, the first come last and the last come first. Building a new kingdom of God from the ground up.
However, I did not believe that we can write off the fact that Jesus assisted in a difficult situation of a family friend, one that could have caused great embarrassment and diminished community standing if word got around that the wine ran out and the guests were not provided for, simply because his mother asked him to help. In doing so he honoured her and gave glory to his heavenly father - giving faith to those that followed him.
Friday 23 July 2010
Speaking and Listening
Sunday is a rather important milestone for me. I am speaking in church for the first time. I have been involved in my local church for several years, I have assisted with communion and lead parts of the litergy (the parts that don't require and ordained minister to lead - obviously) but I have never actually had to "preach" before (I do hate that word) but on Sunday - Rev Andy has asked me to speak at both my local church and the church in the next village along, about Jesus turning the water into wine - the first miracle of Christ.
I have had quite a lot of time to plan what I am going to say - I have spent many hours re-reading the passage and looking for ideas. I have found some good insights from various books and speakers about the importance of the first miracle. I read between the lines, tried to work out what the situation was that caused Jesus to act when he clearly had no desire to do so. ("Why do you ask this of me, woman, my time has not yet come") and I got so hung up on what to say, how to say it, was it right that I totally forgot the reason I was speaking in the first place.
It got me wondering. I wonder how many people that speak on a regular basis actually sit and listen to God. Just having a silent time of peace and quite, sitting in his presence and listening to exactly what he wants them to say. I have come to the firm conclusion that the most important part of a speakers role is to listen. I think it is vital. Not only does it demonstrate a willingness to speak the words that God wants spoken but also it shows a humility, I think, that the speaker is not standing before a congregation for a sense of self importance but because they have a poignant message to deliver.
The Rev has been really good - he has not spoon fed me the answers or given me a shove in the right direction, he has given me trust that I know what I am doing and that when I speak it won't be me but the words of God that are aptly conveyed to the congregation. It was not until last night that I realised that for speaking in church the most important part was listening. I've been too meticulous in planning, what trick will I use to accompany my talk, what level should I pitch it at, should I get some of the children up to help that I have totally forgotten to just sit and be quite and listen to what God wants me to say.
So as I sit here before the computer attempting to put fingers to keys in order to plan the final aspects of my talk for Sunday, I have actually decided not to. I am not going to write a script and learn it parrot fashion in order to rattle off a meaningless set of sentences that I believe are in the correct order. Nor am I going to go completely unprepared. It would not reflect very well on the glory of Christ if I stood before the congregation on Sunday and flapped and flustered my way through a presentation of poor quality. I am, however, not going to let myself stress too much about it. I am confident that God wants me to get used to standing up and talking to people in church and I pray that the skills I have learned in my secular work as an entertainer will come into play and the combination of faith and ability will see me through.
I'll let you know how it goes.
I have had quite a lot of time to plan what I am going to say - I have spent many hours re-reading the passage and looking for ideas. I have found some good insights from various books and speakers about the importance of the first miracle. I read between the lines, tried to work out what the situation was that caused Jesus to act when he clearly had no desire to do so. ("Why do you ask this of me, woman, my time has not yet come") and I got so hung up on what to say, how to say it, was it right that I totally forgot the reason I was speaking in the first place.
It got me wondering. I wonder how many people that speak on a regular basis actually sit and listen to God. Just having a silent time of peace and quite, sitting in his presence and listening to exactly what he wants them to say. I have come to the firm conclusion that the most important part of a speakers role is to listen. I think it is vital. Not only does it demonstrate a willingness to speak the words that God wants spoken but also it shows a humility, I think, that the speaker is not standing before a congregation for a sense of self importance but because they have a poignant message to deliver.
The Rev has been really good - he has not spoon fed me the answers or given me a shove in the right direction, he has given me trust that I know what I am doing and that when I speak it won't be me but the words of God that are aptly conveyed to the congregation. It was not until last night that I realised that for speaking in church the most important part was listening. I've been too meticulous in planning, what trick will I use to accompany my talk, what level should I pitch it at, should I get some of the children up to help that I have totally forgotten to just sit and be quite and listen to what God wants me to say.
So as I sit here before the computer attempting to put fingers to keys in order to plan the final aspects of my talk for Sunday, I have actually decided not to. I am not going to write a script and learn it parrot fashion in order to rattle off a meaningless set of sentences that I believe are in the correct order. Nor am I going to go completely unprepared. It would not reflect very well on the glory of Christ if I stood before the congregation on Sunday and flapped and flustered my way through a presentation of poor quality. I am, however, not going to let myself stress too much about it. I am confident that God wants me to get used to standing up and talking to people in church and I pray that the skills I have learned in my secular work as an entertainer will come into play and the combination of faith and ability will see me through.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Monday 19 July 2010
Church Politics
I did not intend to be posting again so soon. I thought I would leave my blog to settle in before I attempted to write more but I have been given a hint of inspiration by something that someone has posted on my Facebook wall this evening.
A lady from the local community who remembers me from performing at a Christian Fellowship meeting when I was younger and newer to magic (and I don't mind saying - I was awful - I actually remember the performance well as one of the most painful experiences of my life and it made me give up magic until my good friend Tom talked me back into it - thank God) and also from performing at her children's birthday parties. (When I was older and more professional I hasten to add) - she has wished me well in my new ventures and said that the Vineyard group will pray for me too.
It was that last sentiment that struck me. I am not from the Vineyard church, I have been to some Vineyard meetings here and there and I do enjoy the charismatic style of worship. However, it is commonly known that Vineyard (which, if I am correct in saying, came over from America or Canada originally) and the Church of England do not usually make great bedfellows. (Probably not the best turn of phrase for a blog about Church Politics) but it was that fellowship that really made me smile.
Despite the denominational differences in the two groups (and indeed all church groups) there is still at the heart of it all a good community of people that love each other. Granted you are always going to get the occasional loose cannon or uptight traditionalist that believes a very set line and nothing else but on the whole most Christians that I have met are good eggs and have a lot of affection for others, especially those that have come to know Christ.
I am not by any means saying that we are a perfect bunch. Far from it. Sometimes I have know Christians (myself included) to act in the most unchristian ways and hide under a banner of faith, dogma or Bible text. Sometimes I listen to the way people speak and claim to be all forgiving, all inclusive and all supporting but actually are the complete opposite (I was very much like that when I was younger - everything was black and white with no gray areas and no room for differences) but it was the words of Julie this evening though that reminded me that there is a Christian fellowship.
It needs work, it needs promoting and more often than not it needs patching up, rebuilding and sometimes even remodeling but it is there.
A lady from the local community who remembers me from performing at a Christian Fellowship meeting when I was younger and newer to magic (and I don't mind saying - I was awful - I actually remember the performance well as one of the most painful experiences of my life and it made me give up magic until my good friend Tom talked me back into it - thank God) and also from performing at her children's birthday parties. (When I was older and more professional I hasten to add) - she has wished me well in my new ventures and said that the Vineyard group will pray for me too.
It was that last sentiment that struck me. I am not from the Vineyard church, I have been to some Vineyard meetings here and there and I do enjoy the charismatic style of worship. However, it is commonly known that Vineyard (which, if I am correct in saying, came over from America or Canada originally) and the Church of England do not usually make great bedfellows. (Probably not the best turn of phrase for a blog about Church Politics) but it was that fellowship that really made me smile.
Despite the denominational differences in the two groups (and indeed all church groups) there is still at the heart of it all a good community of people that love each other. Granted you are always going to get the occasional loose cannon or uptight traditionalist that believes a very set line and nothing else but on the whole most Christians that I have met are good eggs and have a lot of affection for others, especially those that have come to know Christ.
I am not by any means saying that we are a perfect bunch. Far from it. Sometimes I have know Christians (myself included) to act in the most unchristian ways and hide under a banner of faith, dogma or Bible text. Sometimes I listen to the way people speak and claim to be all forgiving, all inclusive and all supporting but actually are the complete opposite (I was very much like that when I was younger - everything was black and white with no gray areas and no room for differences) but it was the words of Julie this evening though that reminded me that there is a Christian fellowship.
It needs work, it needs promoting and more often than not it needs patching up, rebuilding and sometimes even remodeling but it is there.
The Journey Begins
I wrestled for some time with what to call this blog and wondered if it was worth starting in the first place. I didn't do very much with my entertainment based blog although many people said I should post more (for those kind comments I am grateful) however this blog is going to be more than just a communication to those that I know and love to keep them updated with my progress. It is going to be the place where I share the thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns and times of great joy as I take the next steps in the plan that God has for me.
Let me get you up to date:
Currently I am, as many of you know, a self employed entertainer. I have been since I left school. Performing magic, juggling and general foolishness at parties and events across the country. I have loved every moment of it, I have enjoyed the freedom it has allowed me - answering to no boss but myself, working with some fantastic entertainers and brilliant organisers and generally making people happy. There really is nothing I enjoy more than the feeling of an event going totally to plan, children laughing and adults relaxed and happy because they have had a stress free time. The hours are erratic, often long and in strange weather conditions and the amount of travel is monumental. Sometimes events are horrible and I feel like an inconvenience rather than an enhancement to the event. However, in September all that changes. I am telling the taxman I am trading no more and I am, so to speak, hanging up my magic wand for the time being.
I have been offered a post as a Youth and Children's Assistant over in Christ Church Chorleywood. A really lovely Evangelical church in the heart of a community. I am going to be housed and have a basic living cost provided for me and in return ill be working as part of the church staff team helping to run events for the youth and children of the local area. It will be a full time job, pretty much, with Thursday off each week and the odd Saturday (according to the current interns) - I am really excited about the prospect but also daunted too. It is a huge change. Ill be living away from home for the first time ever in a house with two relative strangers (I have met one chap already - Jon - but only for a short amount of time) and living in a huge town - a rather large step up from my quiet village life. Why am I doing this? My DDO (Diocesan Director of Ordination) wants me to experience a larger church with a different worship style in an urban area before I am put forward to selection and ultimately (God's will be done) off to Vicar Factory for training.
What am I expecting? A lot of hard work, long hours and challenges faced from working with young people. I know that is is going to test my faith, my patience and my body at time but I am thankful that I already have experience and gifts suitable to this work. Hopefully I can bring something positive to those that I work with and help them along their own journeys as I continue in mine. I am also expecting a lot of fun and laughter - the team at CC are fantastic and the reception I received on my interview day was so warm that it felt as though I had been attending the church for years rather than arriving at 10am that morning.
So, July and August are filled with my last entertainment events as a full time entertainer, magician and general clown. It is going to be a very sad time. Packing up my stuff and stowing it safely in this little office that has been the base of my operations for years. Packing up my life and moving away from family and friends that I have been around for nearly 25 years. I never attended university, I never lived away from this community and I would be lying if I said I was not going to miss it. I am going to miss it terribly. These are the people I have grown up around, the church that has been a part of my Christian life since I was Christened age 9. Leaving the comfort and safety of my own self employment, being master of my own destiny and in control of my own life to putting total trust in God, is a very scary thought. However I have a strong faith, I have been through a lot in my relationship with God so far and I know that however many times I fail ill be picked up, dusted off and put back on the right path.
Prayers would be appreciated as I go through this change - a smooth transition on my next step would be welcome and Ill keep you all updated as to my progress.
God Bless
Sam
Let me get you up to date:
Currently I am, as many of you know, a self employed entertainer. I have been since I left school. Performing magic, juggling and general foolishness at parties and events across the country. I have loved every moment of it, I have enjoyed the freedom it has allowed me - answering to no boss but myself, working with some fantastic entertainers and brilliant organisers and generally making people happy. There really is nothing I enjoy more than the feeling of an event going totally to plan, children laughing and adults relaxed and happy because they have had a stress free time. The hours are erratic, often long and in strange weather conditions and the amount of travel is monumental. Sometimes events are horrible and I feel like an inconvenience rather than an enhancement to the event. However, in September all that changes. I am telling the taxman I am trading no more and I am, so to speak, hanging up my magic wand for the time being.
I have been offered a post as a Youth and Children's Assistant over in Christ Church Chorleywood. A really lovely Evangelical church in the heart of a community. I am going to be housed and have a basic living cost provided for me and in return ill be working as part of the church staff team helping to run events for the youth and children of the local area. It will be a full time job, pretty much, with Thursday off each week and the odd Saturday (according to the current interns) - I am really excited about the prospect but also daunted too. It is a huge change. Ill be living away from home for the first time ever in a house with two relative strangers (I have met one chap already - Jon - but only for a short amount of time) and living in a huge town - a rather large step up from my quiet village life. Why am I doing this? My DDO (Diocesan Director of Ordination) wants me to experience a larger church with a different worship style in an urban area before I am put forward to selection and ultimately (God's will be done) off to Vicar Factory for training.
What am I expecting? A lot of hard work, long hours and challenges faced from working with young people. I know that is is going to test my faith, my patience and my body at time but I am thankful that I already have experience and gifts suitable to this work. Hopefully I can bring something positive to those that I work with and help them along their own journeys as I continue in mine. I am also expecting a lot of fun and laughter - the team at CC are fantastic and the reception I received on my interview day was so warm that it felt as though I had been attending the church for years rather than arriving at 10am that morning.
So, July and August are filled with my last entertainment events as a full time entertainer, magician and general clown. It is going to be a very sad time. Packing up my stuff and stowing it safely in this little office that has been the base of my operations for years. Packing up my life and moving away from family and friends that I have been around for nearly 25 years. I never attended university, I never lived away from this community and I would be lying if I said I was not going to miss it. I am going to miss it terribly. These are the people I have grown up around, the church that has been a part of my Christian life since I was Christened age 9. Leaving the comfort and safety of my own self employment, being master of my own destiny and in control of my own life to putting total trust in God, is a very scary thought. However I have a strong faith, I have been through a lot in my relationship with God so far and I know that however many times I fail ill be picked up, dusted off and put back on the right path.
Prayers would be appreciated as I go through this change - a smooth transition on my next step would be welcome and Ill keep you all updated as to my progress.
God Bless
Sam
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